Is That a Crucifix in Your Pocket,or Are You Just Happy to See MeJune 3, 2010
Have I ever told you that the Lord is my Shepard? Did I sound convincing? I hope so,because this weekend I will have to be on my best Jesus style behavior when my fourteen year old daughter’s new friend comes over to spend the night. You see, the only stipulation her parents had before giving their permission for her to sleep over at my lovely abode was to have their daughter ask mine whether we were Christians or not… which really puts a damper on my reenactment of Regan from The Exorcist “loving” the cross that I had scheduled to perform this Saturday.
But you know me well enough to know that if it’s for the happiness for one of my children, I’ll put away my artistic vision and act like I’m holier than thou just so my kid can make a new friend and a memory. It doesn’t stop me from wondering though,what the hell does someone’s religious background have to do with the kind of household they run? I don’t know,maybe it’s just me but some of the most fucked up people I know hide behind the word “Christian” and use it to get out of every commandment they break.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in a higher power and consider myself to be a very spiritual person,but ever since I was about fifteen and found out that the priest that gave me my first holy communion and listened to my confessions was doing A LOT more to all the alter boys at our church,my taste for organized religion grew sour. I just don’t feel that you need to label yourself a “Christian” or plop yourself in a pew once a week to be known as a good person,and if that is the only way you choose to judge whether a person is good or bad, I fear for you.
You see for me the judging on whether my child can sleep over at your house goes so much further than just your religious affiliation. I personally think it’s wise to take the time to ask for the parents full names,and research to see if they have an arrest record(don’t forget to print out your findings) then spend the better part of the week before staking out their house to see if they have any strange comings and goings,root through their trash while they’re out on one of their “goings” because that will show you more than you’ll want to know(keep those findings too), and then finally fingerprint the whole family when you drop your kid off for their big sleep over.Oh, and don’t forget to bring all your finding with you ,just to show them that you do your homework! This all will work like a charm because they’ll be so freaked out that the won’t think of messing with your kid,so you can sleep more soundly that night,OR you’ll be asked to leave and your kid will never be asked over again…either way it’s a win win.
Honestly though, I can’t wait to meet this girl’s parents this weekend .I’ve spent a lot of time getting my house ready ,replacing my priceless copy of “Dogs Playing Poker” with a really cool ” The Last Supper” print,and even have talked with the neighbor kid about coming over before they come,and hiding in my closet duct taped. Once they arrive inside, he is to jump out screaming and running for the door.I think it’ll be good wholesome fun for the whole family…I wonder if I should have asked my kid to ask theirs if they have a sense of humor.