A Face Only a Lover Will Love

May 3, 2010

Let me begin with a disclaimer on this post. I ,Thinkinfyou isn’t and has never been one of those girly girls that is totally disgusted by porn. In fact there was a time, that I could sit through a minute or two of a XXX movie without complaining about the total lack of plot ,or screaming with amazement at the abilities of a really good squirter….I still think that shit has to be staged,nobody has that much talent.

Today though ,I just can’t bring myself to watch porn,no matter if it has a super soaker in it or not.  Now I know what you’re thinking ” Well maybe you’ve just finally matured Thinkinfyou and now realize that porn isn’t good for anyone!” and if you think that,well you are wrong. My dislike for porn doesn’t have anything to do with maturing . I’ve come to the conclusion that this is about as mature as I’m going to get and I’m OK with that. What I’m not OK with and has fuel my desire to swear off porn forever is the horrible faces people make in them right before the money shot. They totally killed my XXX viewing pleasure.OK,so maybe that picture is a little exaggerated,but honestly have you ever really studied the face of a porn star,or anyone who’s having sex for that matter? If you haven’t trust me,it’s not pretty. Don’t believe me? Fine, I have some examples to prove my theory against porn. Let’s take the latest sex tape everyone is talking about, The Chelsea Chelsea Banged a Wang tape. Now , I normally love Chelsea Handler . I think she’s quite funny,but one look at her fuck face and well…there’s just nothing funny about it.It’s just sad, really sad.Sad because I look at her face and after I grab and cover my burning eyes for a couple minutes screaming “MY EYES ,MY EYES” I started to think of all the potential lovers that will never want anything sexual to do with her again because they have seen and are scarred by her fuck face too. Now, I think she knows that ,so has since come out and  said that the whole sex tape thing was a joke,but you can tell by that picture that is an authentic fuck face,you can’t fake that shit. And if she was really going for a funny sex tape I think she would have had enough sense to have  have sex with Chuy. The oddity of it would have drawn people’s eyes away from her fuck face,plus I think she’d have made a lot more money from the tape too because let’s face it people love midgets!

But Chelsea isn’t the only person with an horrendous FF.I believe we are all cursed with ugly fuck faces in the heat of the moment.Never looked at yourself doing the deed  and don’t believe you could look that bad? Go have sex in front of a mirror,and don’t try to fake it to make yourself feel better,that doesn’t count. Don’t feel like having sex,but still want to see if you have an ugly fuck face? Well, you could always go and stuff your mouth full of anything that is near,it will give you the same effect. Because I truly think that all the orifices in our bodies must be wired to mimic one another when filled. Seriously…Take a look at the guy above.What do you see? I bet you think that he is having one major nic fit,OR is he really getting a huge hit to the sphincter!?!I guess we will never know because the face is the same either way.

How about this innocent woman,is she just enjoying all that mixed parts goodness,OR is someone underneath tickling her naughty bits?You see what I’m talking about now, you know you do! I guess this is why your mother told you not to talk with your mouth full. Not because it’s a nasty disgusting habit where  people can see your food,but because they can also see your fuck face,and that’s just not right.I personally believe fuck faces should be kept private, and only to be shared between two people who love one another. Not to be broadcast for all the world to see because honestly, a fuck face is a face only a lover could love.



  1. I admit it..I have one of the ugliest “O” faces out there. I look like someone just rammed a hot poker up my ass..pun intended..And no, I will NOT tell you how I know my “O” face is horrible..

    I do know I will never try and sell my own version of sex tapes…I’d have to pay people to watch them..lol

    • Everyone looks horrible,Nipster. It’s a universal thing. Thanks for the visual though! LOL!

  2. Funny, I’ve always been inspired (and I don’t think I’m alone on this) by the fuck face. The more it looks like you’ve got a mouth full of sour grapes the better job I think I’m doing.

    I’ll give you this, the hot dog lady does look disgusting, but I’m not a big fan of looking at partially chewed food.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to find out just who this Chelsea Handler is.

    • My husband said the same thing,FS. I find it amazing how differently men and women think.

      • I had a feeling I wasn’t the only one.

      • No,FS, there are sick and twisted a plenty!

  3. Who looks at faces? Hell, if I checked out their mugs I’d never have seen Ron Jeremy in action! I stay away from their faces. Besides, never know when I might recognize somebody.

    • WOW! Don, I can’t believe you would rather see Ron Jeremy face than watch for the FF,he is so disgusting! That’s another thing that bothers me about porn,none of the men are good looking!

  4. I’m not sure who this Tracy Handler is either, but that face is priceless. I think it slipped in the “other” hole and she’s making an “oopsies, there it goes again” face. Whereas most women would have the “oh fuck, that hurts face”.

    • She is probably just a seasoned anal handler,ButtPirat3!

  5. Lol funny pictures, Like the one with the guy’s face under the girl’s mini-skirt :=)

    • Glad you enjoyed,SB!

  6. Now we know the real reason for paper bags!

    • I think you just might be right,Noe Noe!! LOL!

  7. I will take any porno – O face over EVER again having to see Ron Jeremy’s back hair flagellating from the G forces of the money shot take off – the year was 1985…I’ve never been the same…

    • Thanks for the visual,SG, I’ll now never be the same either!

  8. LOL, some of those pictures were priceless. And to surveygirl46, yeah, I guess they don’t call Ron Jeremy “The Hedgehog” for nothing. LMAO.

    • Oh NO! No more thoughts of Ron Jeremy in my head ,PLEASE!!!!!

  9. Yeah, those FF are usually not too pretty – I think you make a good point on how that really can’t be faked!

    • LOL! Thank you for seeing my point,Barry!

  10. Do what I do; bury your face in a) the nearest available shoulder or chest, or b) bury your face in the pillow. Choose a) or b) depending on which way you’re facing.

    Didn’t Richard Pryor have the same comment — that if we ever saw our own FFs, we’d never F again?

    Regarding porn actresses’ FFs, I think the Japanese win the prize. No matter what’s going on, they always look like they’re about to get a flu shot.

    • Never watched Asian porn before,Melina. Thanks for the recommendation!

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