Getting To Know You, Pretend Edition

February 22, 2010

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted a “Getting to Know You” segment for my dear readers,and it’s not because I’ve lost interest in learning all the lovely details that make you, YOU. But if truth be told it’s because I’ve been busy not letting people get to know me on other internet sources.
Confused? Here let me explain. OK, so you know how  I LOVE the internet , right? And not just for the plethora of weird porn that you can find with just the click of a button, although that is a perk. No, the biggest reason why I love the internet is because it allows you to be all you can be without having to join the Army.

And it takes no time at all because if you can type it you can be it. Now, I know what you are thinking, Thinkinfyou  seems like she has it all together,well except for that weird porn thing. Why would she want to be something she is not!?! Well ,the only way  I can answer that for you, is by telling you all about a life long wish of mine… you see I like most people, have  always wanted to be deaf.Yep, you heard me right, I really wish sometimes I couldn’t hear. Seriously, I don’t see being deaf as a handicap, but more like a super power. Don’t want to listen to your children fighting? BAM! Turn on the deafness! Some fucker annoying the hell out of you with a story they’ve told you numerous times before? WHAM! Turn into Deaf Girl! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
I’ve been known to turn into Deaf Girl myself a time or two. My favorite time to put on my deaf girl cape is when strange guys think it’s cool to catcall me,yelling and whistling at me ,while we are stopped at a stop light.I hate that shit,but instead of getting angry or flipping them off, I just turn on my super deaf powers and talk back to them in my best deaf girl voice saying I can’t hear you while pointing to my ears,fake signing at them. Ahhh! The looks on their faces when they realize they’ve been fucking with the handicap is always priceless!
Playing deaf has always been a fun pastime for me,and I brought my love for it to my internet interactions just recently with excellent results. I no longer have people wanting to get to know me better.Once I tell them I’ve been a mute since birth,they tend to not have anything to say back,but it’s not like I would have HEARD them if they did!
Now that I’ve let you in on my internet pretend play time, I ask you, do you ever try to be something you’re not online?



  1. I’m really 36, have a very successful business as Uma Thurman’s agent and have never broken wind …..

    • Sounds totally believable to me,DP!

  2. I have about 85% hearing loss in my left ear, and you’d better bet your ass it comes in handy. Especially when sleeping…As far as being something I’m not on the internet, or anywhere for that matter, I’m pretty easy to check out. Mainly because I don’t give a flying fucking rat’s ass what people think about me. It’s a fucking waste of my time trying to convince people that I don’t know why they should give a shit about me…Peace and fuck it!

    • Look at you trying to convince me you’re a badass,Don,when I know damn well you’re the sweetness and lover of humanity!

  3. I can’t wait for your future post about you doing your fake sign language, and how you just happened to be doing it to someone who knows sign language, who somehow get’s you to be a guest signer for a speech he/she is making, and then exposes you as a fake in front of a large group of people.

    – That’s like an episode of Seinfeld

    • I would take that job,FS. I’m a quick learner!!

  4. hmmm, lets see, go online and pretend to be something im not… nope. not ringing a bell.

    • I know,you being a dog,Nooter, is totally believable!

  5. Hell, I’m in the midst of the flu and can hear nearly thing because my ears are blocked. Upside: Can’t hear my wife. Downside: Can’t hear the friggin’ TV!

    • Nonamedufus, did you ever think maybe your wife knows this and is messing with the volume on the TV?

  6. Yes, I’ve tried numerous times to be someone who doesn’t turn homicidal when I get hit with continuous spam…(i think I lost my cape awhile back)

    • I hate that too,SG. I have an extra cape around here if you want it!

  7. I’m one skinny hot mama!

    • Yes, yes you are,Noe Noe!!!

  8. Damn skippy I’m pretending to be a skinny red head with big ass tits and no stretch marks..

    Hey, its my fantasy let me have it.

    As for your deaf girl at stop light routine: I’m still LMAAO over here..Love it!!

    • I’m telling you,Nipsy, you need to try faking deaf the next time you get catcalled….it’s soooo much fun!!

  9. Of course – i pretend that middle finger is for me but you really mean you wish to get back together. give it time my friend.

    • Get back together,Waltsense?

  10. My gnomes have instructed me to take the fifth on that question…but what the hell…you can’t hear me anyway! Ha! 😉

    • Sure hope you’re checking the sign language I’m doing all over this page,VE!

  11. My husband uses that superpower on me every day!

    And I pretend to be skinnier online.

    • You need to find out what his kryptonite is then,Kathcom!

  12. On line, no, but I had a ball on a few occasions pretending to be deaf as well! Every once in a while my ex-husband and I would go out for breakfast. I know a few rudimentary signs and so would tell him before we went in exactly what I was going to order in sign language. We’d place our orders with him translating the sign into English and just keep pretending that I was deaf. When our food would be brought out, I’d look at the waitress and say “thank you”, but in sign of course. While eating, you know how they always come and ask if everything is ok, well once asked I would verbally answer, “yes, everything is fine thanks”! You should see the look I’d get for that, first shock and then (if she/he has a sense of humor) smiles spreading into laughter. The best though was when they’d get pissed off because of having one pulled over on them. Some people just can’t take a joke 😀

    • LOL! I love it,Skye. Although, I don’t know if I could keep my mouth closed for that long!

  13. I live the internet to free anything for information.

  14. I love being a computer tough guy. LOL. That’s my term for a behind-the-screen hard ass. But I’m not as controversial in person.

    • Funny,TCC, I don’t see you that way at all!

  15. Your writing skills are fantastic. I should have known you are as dynamic as you are….I too like to write but have never even thought about it like you do it…….Hope you dont mind me here ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: