The Men of My Dreams

December 31, 2009

If any of you have been following Thinkinfyou for over a year, you know that I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. No, I see coming up with one as just a way of warning yourself of the new year’s failure you’ve got ahead of you.Plus, honestly, I’ve never found myself at this time of the year having a problem that I felt was worthy enough of wanting to change, I happen to be happy with my warped fucked up habits,and quirks…they are what makes me unique! But then I went to sleep last night and everything changed. I woke up realizing that my sub conscious could use A LOT of help and fast!

Now if you can remember when I did a post on wet dreams, I was very honest with you about only having one wet dream in my life thus far, and the honor of Thinkinfyou’s wet dream devirginizer went to Sean Connery in all his Scottish glory.That dream was a good dream but yet slightly disturbing,for as I explained before I’ve never been  sexually attracted to geriatric men,at least not knowingly. I didn’t think much about it after it was over,and went on dreaming of flowers and butterflies,and ax carrying masked men chasing me trying to slice me in two…you know normal stuff. But last night as I laid my head down to slumber,preparing myself to run for my life, I entered a dream where there were no masks.No,there was only me and Kenny Rogers,standing in the middle of a kitchen somewhere .At first I was a little confused because it wasn’t the Kenny of today, who’s face really does look like a mask with really small eye holes.
No,this Kenny was the one that I remember from my youth, you know the one that looked like an older Grizzly Adams without the talent of being able to tame a grizzly bear,but made up for it by infiltrating the airways during late seventies and early eighties with hits like “The Gambler” and “ Islands In The Stream”.
Anyways, when that Kenny entered my dream,he came up behind me pressing what I thought was his microphone into my lower back.Immediately, I got nervous thinking he was going to want me to sing a duet with him…and even in my dreams ,I know I can’t sing. So I went to turn to tell him of my vocal inabilities ,when he grab my arm and whispered into my ear something like

“You got to know when to do ’em, know when to screw ’em,
Know when to pump away and know when to cum.
You never mount your honey when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for mountin’ when this dream is done.”

And for some reason these lyrics were like mood music to my ears. I turn into his embrace and sang out with the vocals of a song bird and said ” My man in my dreams, that is what you are,

I’ll let you in between, though it feels so wrong,

Nail away on me, with your old man dong,

but don’t you die on me old man,uh uh. Cause I’ll smother under your blubber ,uh huh.”

Needless to say after those beautiful loving lines were uttered from my mouth,we made sweet, sweet love,the kind that love songs are made from.Then sadly, seconds later I woke up ,satisfied,but  knowing I had a HUGE problem , but no idea how to rectify it. Surely there aren’t books out there to teach someone how not to whore themselves out to the geriatric in their dreams.Feeling like a freak,I laid there in my puddle and thought, until  I heard the voice of the Gambler coming to me again,for a minute I thought I had dozed off and was about to go for round two ,but my eyes were wide open and I could still hear him singing, although the tune was a little different this time. He sang ,

“The gambler wants you to  know, that you’re what he was deprivin’
He want you to ho away, every time you sleep.
‘Cause he thinks you’re  a winner , so don’t think you’re a loser,
And he promises he won’t die on you, the next time that you sleep.”

And when he’d finished speakin’, I laid back on my pillow, came to terms with my freakness, and faded off to sleep. Then somewhere in my dreams, the gambler, he broke in again. And in our final round, I found a disgrace that I might keep.



  1. OMG woman!! Hey at least in this one there is no shame.. Grizzly Adams was one hot poppa.. I’d let him roll me around in the furs anyday..

    And I agree on the New Years Resolutions.. *cheers*

    • So nice to see that I’m not the only one that had a thing for Grizzly Adams, Nipster! I knew I could count on you!!

  2. Hahah thinkfyou this was so funny my stomach hurts.

    I like how it didn’t even generate any related posts!

    • Thank you,MR. C. My posts have that kind of talent about them!

  3. God, I’m glad that you’re around! You can make me feel soooo sane. Yeah, and you have to watch those dirty old bastards too. Even in your dreams!!!

    • LOL! Thanks ,RedRaider!! Glad I could help!!

  4. Happy New Year…you nut!
    Thanks for all the laughs this year girlie.

    • Happy New Year to you too,Noe Noe!!

  5. I can be Scottish for ya…I’ll even wear the kilt! 😉

    Well, my blog roll starts anew tomorrow. I’d be honored if you participate again in 2010. Leave a comment and you’re on the blog roll! Thanks for visiting and commenting in 2009.

    • Pimpin out the blogroll are we,VE? You know I’ll be there!

      • You do have a spotlight there, you just didn’t visit after it got posted…

      • Mighty clever way of keeping us coming back for more,VE! :o)

  6. Loving that post!

    I tend to have the opposite problem, in that my dirty dreams involve pneumatically upholstered 20 year olds and not enough singing.

    Also, kumquats.

    • LOL! Thanks for the visual,The Jules!

  7. You know Kenny wasn’t always a big success. One day, before he was famous, he was walking along the railway tracks on the rough side of town, out of money, down on his luck in an old pair of shoes that he held together with string. All of a sudden he tripped over a railway tie and a piece of his right shoe went flying into the bushes next to the railway track. Whereupon Kenny said those words that would later be made famous in song: “You picked a fine time to leave me loose heel.”

    • I can’t believe I didn’t catch on to that joke till the end. You’re good,Nonamedufus,you’re good!

  8. You got to know when to do ‘em, know when to screw ‘em,
    Know when to pump away and know when to cum.

    That’s catchy, I like it. I read this post last night when I got home (drunk), and went to sleep soon after. Where in my slumber I was having Kelly LeBrock dream number 3, that’s Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science, not Celebrity Fit Club (sicko). Things were going smooth as usual when all of a sudden she grows what??? If you guessed Kenny Roger’s beard you guessed correct! Thanks for ruining Kelly LeBrock dream number 3 for good! I had to switch to Suzanne Somers dream number 7 (The Step by Step years)

    • Lets be honest,FS, you know as well as I know that it was the Kelly LeBrock from CFC. You like em big,and I’m sure the growing of the beard only turned you on more. I’m just surprised you didn’t drown in jizz from that one!
      Here’s to hoping that Suzanne Somers grows a penis in dream number eight so you get some real satisfaction!

      • Don’t ruin Suzanne for me too!
        I,unlike you,don’t think a good night’s sleep requires that I have night terrors.

      • FS,BE HONEST! You know that a little penis would be a dream come true for you!

  9. If you ever have a dream about Danny DiVito, please don’t post about it. ‘K? I’m afraid the mental picture would scar us all for life.

    • I can’t make any promises,Marsha…you know how I feel about Danny! :o)

      • I do know how you feel about Danny. That’s why I’m asking you in advance to spare us the details. 🙂

        P.S. Still waiting for puppy pictures here.

      • I’ll have to wait (with my fingers crossed) to see if I have a DD wet dream. Then and hopefully then I’ll have to make that decision!
        As for puppy pictures, I promise to post some soon!

  10. You crack me up with your wet dreams. Sean Connery even old is pretty hot but Kenny Rogers….not so much. Happy New Year to you.

    • I know, I know,Peach Tart,but I don’t have any control of the hotness that enters my dreams.

  11. go the wet dream


    • Oh, they go alright,Marlee!

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