When I Grow Up, I Want To Be….

November 14, 2009

I helped celebrate my oldest daughter’s birthday in September.She turned the big 1 9,which is so surreal to me.It seems like yesterday that she was running around with nothing but a diaper on and needed me to do everything for her, including wiping her butt. Needless to say, things have changed,not only do I not have to wipe her butt anymore which I don’t miss,but I also don’t get to give her a kiss goodnight anymore and that is a bit more difficult.She moved out a little over two months ago now and is having the time of her life at college,which makes missing her easier because she’s happy.sam college
Every time I talk to her I can hear the excitement in her voice from all the learning and exploring she’s is doing. She is so put together and driven for being just nineteen,she knows what she wants and is on course to achieve it. I don’t think a mother could be more proud of her child,so I make sure to encourage her to reach for the stars because if you can think it you can be it!  And if that isn’t enough I take the time and tell her the story again of her go getting mother. You see way back when, when I was young and free, and life was full of options ,I had dreams big dreams.I can remember my first desire for my future when I was  very little, I wanted nothing more than  to marry a farmer and have seven kids…I know I know, it shows, when I dream… I dream BIG.american-gothic-large4(2)

Thankfully over time my dream changed.Probably when I realized that I really didn’t enjoy early mornings,the smell of animal feces, or manual labor.Not to mention once I found out that babies would more than likely have to  come out of my vag, I knew seven kids was a bit much. I was certain that by baby five, my vagina would be so worn out that it would be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway for my hard working farmer hubby sexually,although it might come in quite handy for helping carry a hay bail or two,it wasn’t worth the risk,so I trashed that dream.

Some time around middle school, a new dream for my future came to be when  I recognized that I had quite the knack for arguing quite convincingly and getting my way,so I decided that it was my destiny to become a lawyer. I guess I didn’t realize that in order to become a lawyer you really have to apply yourself in school,and well for me applying myself wouldn’t have worked  in really well with my social schedule. I had parties to go to and people to see,which didn’t leave much time or energy for homework. So when my senior year rolled around and I had to go visit my guidance counselor to discuss what I was going to do with my life,the bitch of a counselor almost spewed coffee out of her nose when I told her of my plans of wanting to go to law school. Once she wiped her coffee snot away from her nose, she looked at me and told me that I needed to look into going to beauty school! Beauty school, my ass. I mean sure I did my own hair with amazing flair,aqua netting that shit up so high,I was like a walking work of hair art,but there was a brain under that perfect coif,granted it wasn’t used much and maybe was a bit damaged from being a ganja goddess,but a brain just the same, I could have been a lawyer.

But shortly after she voiced her doubt in my abilities, my career choice changed again. I decided I needed to become a counselor. The way I looked at it was  if this stupid woman who was  without a doubt suffering from a severe case of hair envy could go to college,graduate and get a job helping kids with their problems and finding their direction in life I could do it no matter how many times I OPed(overpotted.) In fact if you really must know, I sometimes wonder if  I’m Sigmund Freud reincarnated.Freud

Seriously,how else can I explain my thoughts on everything in life without relating it to sex.Not to mention the fact that I’ve always blamed my mother for all that’s wrong in my life. I could have been the new Freud…if only I could grow facial hair,we’d be one in the same.Don’t tell me you can’t see the resemblance!Freud(2)
But after a while that dream died too. It’s like with all career ambitions in my life,I have the attention span of a two year old on crack,so I never see anything come to fruition.But I don’t stop dreaming of my true calling, or the day when female facial hair is in vogue. Because when whichever comes first I KNOW I’m going to be successful,and sexy!bearded lady
Now I know I’m not the only big dreamer out there. So tell me what did you want to be when you grew up ,did you achieve it , change it,or are you still waiting to grow up like me?



  1. I always wanted to be a blogger when I was little. Problem was nobody knew what that was or how to do it. So, I hung around building shit until Al Gore invented the internet and global warming. Now here I am…charming.

    • Well at least you been successful with blogging….I’m still waiting for that to happen!

  2. I wanted to be a Cosmonaut. You know, one of the astronauts of Russia. Because, apparently, I harbored pinko DNA deep in my tiny red-haired recesses.

    I got in dutch for vocalizing this information in the 1st grade along with my now famous grammar school PSA, “This year, one of Santa’s reindeer could kill your dog.” I used the phrase, “surer than death and taxes.” I was 6.

    It was a troubled youth.

    • Sorcia, I wish we would have met during our childhoods. I’m sure we would have had some adventures.

  3. When I was a kid I dreamt I’d be a rebel characer in a generic science fiction setting…or an Attention Whore. As it turns out, I think I’ve come pretty close to being both of those. Hey, if you can think it, you can be it! And we CAN dare to dream, can’t we?

    • Nice to see your dreams came true,Static. Tell me, does being an attention whore pay well?

      • Yep…Nope…Wait…Nope and not really.

      • I take it you just do it for the love of whoring.

  4. TFU TFU TFU….You have so many talents my little clown…You definitely have a brain under that beautiful bouffant and ya know what? I see something with RHYMES in your future…Look into your crystal ball, what could it be?

    • Helping young children learn valuable life lessons through song??

      • precisely, those little rugrats NEED to know what’s up am i not right sister?

      • Yes,you are! I don’t think anyone else could do it better than us!

  5. First I wanted to play third base for the New York Yankees. Then I wanted to take over for Doc Severinsen on the Tonight Show.

    Now I just want to make it through the day.

    • LOL! Knucklehead, I feel your pain.

  6. I wanted to be an Archaeologist, a Marine Biologist, and a full back for the Cincinnati Bengals. Then I learned that being an archaeologist was nothing like the Indiana Jones movies, marine biologists don’t spend their days diving with sharks, and the NFL banned the Ickey shuffle. I ended up settling on being Kazakhstan’s sixth most famous man by becoming a leading journalist for the Kazakh TV network

    • Very nice,FS. I think you made the right decision because now you get to be the king of the castle,king of the castle.

  7. I always wanted to be five feet 11, and I’m 38 now but haven’t made it yet.

    Still, gotta dream a dream right?

    • Awww,The Jules! Remember good things come in small packages!

  8. This was a great post. I always wanted to be a teacher. And when I was in college, I took a class called “Learner and the Learning Process.” The professor said, “Before the end of this class, you will know if you want to be a teacher or not.” One day in the middle of the semester I stood up and the professor said, “What’s the matter.” I said, “I don’t want to be a teacher.” I picked up my stuff, went and registered as a business major. It’s funny how things happen though because I recently started teaching a class at the local community college. I guess I’ve come full-circle. LOL.

    • That’s awesome,TCC. What are you teaching?

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