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Summer Camp Survival Day!!

July 30, 2009

This is the next to the last day of the HBDC Summer Camp and I thankfully I’ve survived with fingers intact and my brain no more warped than usual, which is a good thing.

So today on Summer Camp Survival Day, I’m going to delve into that warped brain of mine and try to give y’all some helpful hints on how to survive ,but before I begin I feel I need to put a disclaimer on this post that I’m probably not the best person take survival advice from considering I’ve been known to be slightly agoraphobic,which means a little bit more than just not being a very outdoorsy person. No, agoraphobic actually means that some days I find it frightening to leave my house without preparing a disaster kit, for the catastrophe that will without a doubt happen once I step out the front door. Yes, I’ve been known to live my life like Chicken Little and I have the psychiatric papers to prove it ,but come to think of it, it may just make me the perfect person to teach you how to survive any situation.

So let’s begin….

Let’s just say for some strange reason you wake up in the morning and decided you need to leave you house for the day, even if its just to go to the grocery store to pick up a couple things. People,you need to be prepared! The sky could be falling,and even the grocery store can be a very dangerous place!!! Trust me, I’ve been known to get lost in the produce center of my grocery store for hours on end,only to be found huddled under the buy one get one table of pre sliced watermelon by my frantic husband who still doesn’t know how to read the morse code message I’ve sent through my cell phone. So before you head out your front door thinking you’ll be back in a couple of hours,think again. Lots of stuff could go wrong and leave you stranded in the unknown waters of your town. You need to be prepared,and not just with your cell phone,or handy dandy  keychain bottle of mace. You need real supplies that will insure you arrive back home safely, so let’s start your supply list.

First you will need a paper bag to breath into or throw over your head if you don’t want people to notice you freaking out and drooling. The smiley face is optional.
Next you need a huge roll of paper towels. Don’t go cheap here people. Buy the good stuff because not only do they help you with the drooling and the massive amounts of perspiration that will leave the clothes you wore out soaked, they  also come in handy when you need a change of clothes,and can be made into a lovely and fashionable  piece of clothing. And you don’t want to look like you would walk around wearing nothing but the best!
Finally, make sure you never travel without a super sized bottle of Xanax. I cannot stress this enough! You will need Xanax,and not to pop yourself just so you can go off to wonderful Xanny Land. No, you need to use them to leave a trail so you can be found. They work a lot better than bread crumbs. Plus, they also work well if you’re being chased by someone or something. Just throw a couple little blue pills in their direction they’ll not only be surprised but subdued within minutes so you can make your get away!
So there you have em, the survival tips from Thinkinfyou’s warped but prepared mind. I hope they help you along your day,but if not go check out RedRaider’s Survival Day. He’s the counselor in charge today,and hails from Mississippi,so you know he has what it takes to survive.

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22 comments

  1. Great idea on the Xanax trail. Can Prozac be substituted though? If not, I might be in trouble ;).


    • Prozac takes longer to take effect. So just run a little faster,UF!


  2. Of course…NOW it makes sense! I never thought of leaving behind that Xanax trail…who’d a thunkit? Thanks 😉


    • I’m always here to help,Winky Twinky!


  3. I should have been on Xanax all week!


    • You poor thing,Noe. When does your baby get home?


  4. A Xanax trail. You are are a genius…and very strong to give them up!


    • I don’t know if I’d call it strong,Kathcom,it’s more like fear of becoming addicted to them. I have a very addictive personality!


  5. I could NEVER leave those kind of drugs on a trail. I’m too selfish.

    They’re mine! ALL MINE! Now give ’em back!


    • LOL! Quirky, Well I hope you’re never following me then!


  6. I wish I’d known this years ago …… my life would have been so much simpler …. thanks VPL


    • Well please feel free to use all I offered now,DP!


  7. xanax thats medicine right? (patooey!)
    you cant make me take pills, though i will gladly lick the peanut butter off them when you hand them to me


    • Gosh,Nooter, you are just like my dog!


  8. Tomorrow! Then I will want to ship his ass back out!


    • LOL! Noe, isn’t that always what happens!?!


  9. I saw that movie! It starred Olivia Newton-John and they made a big to-do of it at the time: Xanny-do. (Why do I keep thinking of Gloria Gaynor today?)


    • LOL! I remember Xanadu,Noname!


  10. Thanks for the tips. Not that I go to the grocery store, mind you, but your point is well-taken.


    • How do you not go to the grocery store,Chris??


  11. I tried the bag over the head one time but my sharpied drawing of a smily face didn’t really fit too well on the colostomy lid and i ended up looking like a grumpy retard who was full of shit…


    • Why was you colostomy bag riding up so high,SG? Did you try to put the bag over the wrong end?



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