You Can’t Cover Genius!

July 23, 2009

Now I know this might surprise some of you but ThinkinFyou does know how to be a lady. Sure, sometimes when you’ve made a visit here you’ve listened to me tell some amazingly interesting but true stories about my reincarnated asshole or my adventures with vibrators that had  minds of their own. And yes, I’ll admit that I have posted more pictures of breasts than the amount that runs through a young man’s mind on a daily basis,but that’s only because I consider y’all my closest and dearest friends . So of course lucky you,gets all of me,even the sick and twisted parts. I bet you never realized how blessed you are!
OK back to the lady part. Yes, I do know how,and can be a lady when I’m supposed to be. Take for instance yesterday, I had to go to my oldest daughter’s orientation at the University of Florida. Now for those of you that aren’t familiar with UF, let me tell you that here in Florida it is the most prestigious university that one could attend,and only accepts 24% of applicants.And my offspring got in with a full ride! Needless to say, I couldn’t be more proud and puzzled, puzzled by the fact that all three of my children are brilliant and that’s not just coming from a mother suffering from a severe case of Braggadocia.No, I seriously gave birth to three highly intelligent children which leads me to believe that either one, mild mental retardation skips a generation or two, my uterus is Albert Einstein reincarnated. I’m not sure which is true but whichever happened, I hid my bewilderment and mild retardation yesterday and took off to play the part of  supportive mother/educated parent/refined lady.

Yet two hours into the first of many lectures that this orientation entailed ,I was over the whole experience.I found myself having ass cramps from all the lady like sitting I was doing,not to mention the terminal case of adult ADD I was experiencing. I knew I had to find something else to do with my time other than listening to these boring lectures that seem to repeat everything over and over again like a skipping record,if I was going to make it through like a lady till the end. And that’s when I saw her, the woman that I knew within one look at her was a people watching lover’s wet dream. There she sat two rows in front of me,just  like an angel wrapped in a blanket…a blanket that she was trying to pull off as a dress.Oh,the joy I felt knowing the rest of my day would be booked up on staring at and pondering what possessed this woman to wrap herself in what one could only assume was a cheap motel blanket. Don’t believe me? Well I took pictures ,so look for yourself!P1010006

Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t being judgemental . Hell, I spent a good part of the rest of the day coming up with excuses that would right her wardrobe . I thought maybe she travelled here by plane and the airlines lost her luggage. But after studying  her husband for a good half an hour looking for signs of bedding craftsmanship in his attire, even moving my seat up a row after a break to see if maybe his shirt was a pillow case with holes punched out for his arms and head,only to find out  it was perfectly store bought. He was dressed like a normal ordinary middle aged dad.Then I thought maybe she had a hang over from a killer toga party the night before,and didn’t realize where she was at.I came to the conclusion that couldn’t be the case either,for her eyes showed no signs of dark circles and her reflexes were quite quick when the blanket came undone and fell to the ground exposing her non pantied and bra less body. It didn’t take her but 68 seconds to rewrap herself, which is quite impressive if you ask me. Finally it hit me maybe dressing herself like a Sealy Posturepedic wannabe was her incredibly creative way of getting more funding for her kid to go to college.  Think about it, sending your kid to college is expensive,so dressing…OK  dressing might be too strong of a word,but wrapping yourself up in a nasty raggedy blanket on the day you sign your kid up for college isn’t a sign of insanity but a sign of pure genius. Really, these people are going to take one look at you and start scanning your blanket for jizz spots,all the while  feeling sorry for your kid, thinking “My God we’ve gotta help this kid so he or she doesn’t end up like you!” What a perfect plan,and one I decided by the end of the day that I was going to  implement myself in five years when my next daughter goes off to college… for free! And all thanks to her mother’s hard work visiting cheap motels for fittings, and the brilliant idea of The  Blanket Lady!P1010009



  1. What??? I wore a beach towel to my son’s non-graduation… OH crap, never mind…

    • So you’ve seen and experienced this kind of dressing before,Winky Twinky? WOW! Where have I been then?

  2. I’m having entrepreneural visions of the Thinkinfyou clothing line… This could be your first item.

    “Clothing designed for that, ‘Uh, what-now?!’ response…”

    • LOL! That is not a bad idea,Bill! There wouldn’t be any sewing involved,so I think I could do it!

  3. “my uterus is Einstein reincarnated” – I’m stealing that line

    Well all I have to say is she is looking like a piece of white trash in that damn blanket. Was it sheer on the bottom? What’s up with the skanky ass hair?

    I don’t mean to be judgmental but well I am because I can be. If she dresses like this to something as important as her child’s college orientation at such a fine college, I can’t imagine how she must dress when she’s heading over to Shoney’s Big Boy or Bubba’s honky tonk. I wonder what her teenager was thinking? Were they sitting with her?

    Well the good part is, that’s the best damn people watching I’ve seen in a long time and I’m sure it kept you entertained for the rest of the day.

    • The truth is I spent the day trying to spot her kid,and never caught sight of him or her,Peach Tart. I can’t say I blame them for steering clear of their mother for the day! Oh,and yes, it was sheer at the bottom!!

  4. Come ON, you’re better than THAT! Why didn’t you just ask, “What’s with the blanket?” Would’ve added a whole new dimension to this post.

    • Tell me this,Chris, if you see a homeless man on the street do you walk up to him and ask ,”What’s up with your piss jar?”? No, everyone knows you don’t mess with people like that!

  5. Here’s the name of ur new clothing line: Blanket Agreement – Clothing for the unsightly – We make it an agreement to keep this one under wraps…

    • LOL! I love it,Surveygirl,but there’s only one problem her stuff didn’t stay under wraps….I saw it!

  6. Wow, UF’s a good school, I actually went to class for about 2 weeks. Then I majored in beer bongs, keg tapping, and drunk girls. Whoever had the big idea of building a college in Florida more than 80 miles from a beach was a 100% USDA grade A asshole, I guess they tried to make education a priority.
    – There used to be a club there named Simon’s, good place for your daughter to stay away from, that’s where I learned the finer points of drug use. –

    • Did you go to UF ,FS?

  7. Holy shit, was that Broward Dining? As a UF transfer student, it is my pleasure to welcome her to Gator Country.

    Tell her to be on the lookout for Turlington preachers and psychotic drunks on game day.

    P. S. The best part of orientation was easily the hurricane that canceled it so I understand the lecture boredom.

    • Yep,it sure was,Kendall! You go to UF? What are you studying?
      Believe me she knows all about the psychotic drunks on game day,we have been Gator fans for years!
      Luck you that a hurricane canceled your orientation!!

      • I went to UF for my first two years, with a major in English and Secondary Education. Didn’t have enough volunteer hours for full aid in 3rd year so I transferred to UNC.

        Did get into their grad school though so I will be back.

      • My daughter want to go into the education field. Do you like UNC,or FL better? I think Gainesville is a great town,and the campus at UF is amazing!

      • Both are amazing schools so they’re even in that respect. However, UNC’s English department is (in my experience) much better with Education being about even. Campus-wise, while UNC has its great spots UF has it beat especially if the rumours I hear about dorms here at UNC are true.

        I will say this, the people at UF are friendlier. I still have a huge group of friends there while here it took me a while to find more than 20.

        Overall, UF wins.

      • I was really impressed with the campus and the friendliness of the students and faculty. From a first time parent of a student going there it really put my mind at ease!

  8. I know Florida is a great state, but that frightening sight just goes to show, trash grows everywhere.

    And there’s no excuse to justify that wardrobe, but bless you for trying.

    • Believe me,Chowner, we have plenty of trash here. For some reason though I would have thought at a college orientation that the trash would have been parked at the curb. Truthfully I was really shocked by her attire!

  9. Hmmmm- got me thinking of a new summer eveing wear clothingline-Unda Covers1

    • I’m telling you by the looks this lady got (BTW I wasn’t the only one that took pictures of her) I’m sure they’d sell like hotcakes,Noe!

  10. I’m thinking Snuggies have expanded their maketplace…

    • LOL! VE, I think you just might be right!

  11. I think she looks hot. Bwhaahahahahahahaha. What a great story.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂

    • Oh believe me ,Comedy Plus,she thought she did too!

  12. It would appear from the second photo that she’s old enough to know better. (And she should lose some of that hair too.)

    But hey, at least you had a diversion.

    I was trapped at a first communion not too long ago. You know how it is in the Catholic church; you’re sitting, you’re standing, you’re sitting, you’re kneeling. About half-way through I notice a guy three pews ahead that had to pull the back of his pants out of his ass every time we stood. And apparently I was the only person to notice. So I’m LMAO, and my hubby is afraid to even make eye contact with me. Poor guy never knows what’s going on in my little world. hahaha. Hey, ya gotta find entertainment where you can.

    • I can relate,Marsha! I was raised Catholic and my thighs hated me every Sunday! I was a known laugher too! I find it funny that when you start to laugh,nobody will make eye contact with you,which always made me laugh longer,until the nun would come by and hit me! LOL!

  13. Oh crap. I forgot to add…

    Congrats on your genius kids! You’re a woman of many talents. 🙂

    • Awww thank you,Marsha! Believe it or not, I am a kick ass mom!

      • Obviously!

  14. My brother went to med school at UF. He loved it there, but not as much as Duke so he left. While I’m on the subject of medicine I’d say you need a dermatologist.

    • Why would you say that,RedRaider?

      • Oh shit! It finally hit me! You think that is a shot of my crotch!!Hell no it’s not!!!

  15. Lovely blog….

    I am sure that Mother was trying to upgrade her kid from FSU to UF, probably without success?

    Just catching a late thread in the comment section… my daughter’s mom, to whom I am no longer married, but a great woman, has her Master’s Degree in Speech Pathology, and makes a killing in the Naples, Florida school system..anyway she got her Master’s at Southern Miss….yeah, Southern Miss. It apparently has a great reputation for Speech Path’s nationwide!!

    Anyway, you are great the way you are and it sounds like those kids of yours are the same…

    Let them enjoy childhood/teenage life and then nag the hell out of them to “do better with their life”.

    thanks again for the great blog.

    john in ormond beach

    • Thanks so much for the visit and the kind words,John!

  16. Go Gators! Even the ones wrapped in Budget Inn blankies! My dad is a recovering Gatorholic. It’s a real problem. I mean, shoelaces to golf club covers, that boy is INTO UF. Congrats on the little one being all grown and off to school!!

    • Did your dad go to UF,Sorcia?

      • Yes, way back before there were pocket calculators. He wrote his MA thesis there on, no fucking lie, RUSSIAN ECONOMICS.

        IN RUSSIAN.

        I don’t even need to tell you that every muttering from Team Obama about healthcare reform sends him into an Ayn-Rand-inspired, broken Russian rant about socialism.

        It was a weird childhood. Weird and long.

      • WOW! That’s quite impressive!

  17. OMG…Just wow… I don’t often, nope I’ve never said this, but I’m so showing this post to my kids.. This way they will never ever complain about what I wear in public again..So what if the nips are showing, its damn cold in those stores!!! Least I don’t wrap the blankie around me and go out!!

    • Those pictures weren’t altered at all,Nipsy! That woman really did wear a blanket to a University orientation!!! AMAZES ME STILL!

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