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The History of Fingering 101

July 8, 2009

Whew! What a day it’s been. I actually spent it learning! Can you believe that!?! I can’t, and even more surprising  is that my brain actually  works! I’m astounded! I would have thought after year of non use, mixed in with the drug experimentation I did in my youth , I would have the brain capacity of Terri Schiavo ,after the accident. Miraculously enough though, that big pile of abused mush in my skull still does function. Here watch this…2+2=4. See? That’s a sign of a pure genius,and it only took me 3 hours and four fingers to learn it. Pretty impressive huh?

Now you would think after solving such difficult mathematical equation, one would have been exhausted and ready to throw in the towel for the day,but not me! No, after spending so much time with my fingers,it got me thinking about them more in depth.Well, not all of my fingers, just the ones I use the most,my favorites,the middle ones. You know, for just being a digit stuck in the middle of four other not so impressive digit siblings,its power amazes me.

Hell, just look at the pictures around on here on the blog,what do you notice? My warm and inviting face,that saying ,”Welcome,I’m so glad you’re here”? No, you notice my finger that’s saying something completely different… a big ,but warm,fuck you! And it doesn’t matter where you are from either.Everyone recognizes the middle finger as the universal symbol for fuck you.It’s beloved and used by millions of finger flippers daily, when actual speech seems just too inadequate to get their point across ,but the sad truth is that over half of these finger fanatics have no idea where the use of their favorite finger originated,and that my friends,is just sad .

So I took it upon myself and my well lubed brain today to rectify that problem by researching where giving someone the finger came from.It didn’t surprise me in the least that there were a couple different theories of  where the origin lies.I mean who wouldn’t want to be known as the Fathers of Fuck Yous!?! Of course, everyone is going to want to claim that title,right? Well, if you’re Greek you’re in luck because I would have to say that  the most popular belief is that giving the finger to someone started thousands of years ago in ancient Greece,and  was used as a “phallic ” put down.Now, I don’t know how believable this actually is. Hell, I think my middle fingers would be a compliment to quite a few men. I know for a fact, that my fingers are lengthier than a lot of penises that I’ve come across in my day…but that’s another very SAD story.

Now, onto another origin speculation. I read that giving the finger started with the English during The Hundred Years’ War. The French would cut off the middle finger of English Archers so they wouldn’t be able to shoot their bows. After The Battle of Agincourt when the English emerged victorious, they gave the French the middle finger to show they were still intact. Gotta love the English,or at least I do. I find this story very easy to believe  considering  they are the people  that gave us The Beatles, Benny Hill, and tons of jokes about people with bad teeth.So why not the ever flying finger? Well,honestly I think they are too nice to create something that aggressive. Seriously,have you ever been cussed out by someone from England? I haven’t,but I have had a couple repeat after me every curse word I wanted to hear them say,and  you know what ,being told to “Fuck Off” with an English accent sounds charming as hell. Seriously! I really considered fucking off because it was said to  me so sweetly. So there is no way that the dirty finger could have stemmed from them.

After researching most of the day nonstop,and with my brain feeling like Cinderella after the stroke of midnight, I decided to give up on trying to find out who deserved the title of Awesome Finger Forefathers. The way I see it,is that it doesn’t really matter where giving the finger came from, as much as it matters where the finger is going,and saying for that matter. So I say hold em up high,aim them in the right direction,and let them speak,whether it’s to say, fuck you,up yours,or even hey I think my finger is bigger than your penis,it doesn’t matter. Trust me ,your finger will be heard loud and clear! Can you hear me now? GOOD!
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61 comments

  1. Well, fuck me. I had no idea four and five were so much like six and nine. Juan and Juan atchoo.


    • Well you learn something new everyday,Doctor Faustroll!


  2. Unfortunately, I’ve encountered a few of those pencil dicks myself. Fuck them…or maybe not.


    • Hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it,Peach Tart! LOL!


  3. I suppose you’re flipping me off in that bottom picture but I haven’t noticed yet. Forgot all about you new boobs. Money well spent TFY.


    • Thank you,Douglas!


  4. Damn your boobs are big! Uh, the finger…right? I’ll go with the French and the fingered British archers.


    • The word for them is PERFECT,Red!! Get it right,or get the finger!!!


  5. I might have heard you if I wasn’t still stuck back on the phrase “well lubed brain”.. I’ve used lube in and on quite a few things, I never thought about my brain..and here I thought I was the lube queen..*sigh*


    • Lube is good for everything,Nipsy! Don’t tell anyone,but on days that I run out of milk, I throw it on the kid’s cereal…keeps em going all day long!


  6. still cracking up at the title. love it


    • Thanks,Justagirl! Just doing my part to help the masses!


  7. It’s a fuck you?

    I thought you were just an inefficient pointer.


    • It can be whatever you’d like it to be,The Jules. It’s all in the interpretation!


  8. I always know the site to come to when I want an education on the finer points of ettiquette…


    • And what site is that,Surveygirl?


  9. In my “old” blog, I posted about this same thing… Seems the post popular version is of the British cutting off the archery fingers and using them as flags of triumph…aka the bird… aka later, the F you!!

    Great post… except lube in the cereal… don’t do that… 😉


    • Really,Winky Twinky? So you are one of the few that do know where it came from.
      As for the lube in the cereal,I’m sure there are some nutrients in it! LOL!


  10. Does it work better if you paint a face on it before using it?


    • Depends on what type of face you paint on it,Surveygirl!


      • Guess we could paint Tom greens little brother and call it Freddy after “Freddy got fingered” (Remember that? “fingered” meaning the reverse of what you THOUGHT it meant in that case?)


      • I loved that movie!


  11. ZIIIIIING! Didn’t see it comin…


    • Of course you did,Dr. Surveygirl!!


      • no…really…i didn’t…(am i slow or what today…lol)


      • Maybe all the spammers are getting to you!?!


  12. sorry that comment was supposed to go after the answer beforethat


  13. I’m totally going to draw a smiley face on my f-you finger…makes it all the better to flip ’em off with!

    Your boobs look awesome!


    • I agree Zan! It’s like a way to show them that your finger is locked ,loaded,and can be used at any time necessary.


  14. I always blow kisses when someone flips me off. I know I’m wierd!


    • No, I don’t think that’s weird,Noe. I think it’s sort of sweet!


  15. Hey, did you just flip me off? Sorry…I was distracted staring at your perfect boobs (see how much I have learned from your comment section)…

    I still have an idea to create a blog where anyone can submit a photo of them flipping me off. I’ll call it “F You” and attempt to get all of the world to flip me off. I like that.


    • If you need photos for the new blog,VE, I’ve got plenty that you can add!!!


  16. Thanks for the education. I’m with the Greeks on this one. Here’s the you tube video of the babies. I’m hope my comment makes it through to you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PHnRIn74Ag
    PS – the rack is enviable 🙂


    • OMG! Margo, those babies are precious!

      As for the “rack”, I’m really happy with them. I guess money does buy happiness when it comes to breasts!!


  17. F.U.C.K. is an english acronym (yes I can spell acronym) for Fornification Under Consent of the King – Let’s face it the bird has no real meaning without the f-bomb backing it. I give credit to the English


    • You’re having to give out all sorts of credit today,FreakSmack! BTW,you still owe me mine,for whipping your ass .Don’t make me have to paint you a shitty picture to get my props!!!


      • you’ll get yours when you deserve them


      • Oh I deserve it now! You just need to admit defeat!!!


  18. Hey, somehow I feel smarter for just having read this.

    I don’t know about you, but around here flipping someone off is a term of endearment.

    So… right back atcha!


    • Awww! I use it sometimes as that too,Marsha! Thanks so much for the flip!!!


  19. You won, you are the greatest. Until next time


    • Come back,whenever you need your ass kicked,FS!


  20. Guess what the finger’s doing now?
    More importantly, what are your fingers doing now?

    btw, I really like what you’ve done with your blog template. Cool beans!


    • Oh, I don’t think I want a visual of what your fingers are doing ,Static!

      Thanks for the template love!!


  21. I love it when the Fuck You finger gets hurt. That way I can flip off the world and no one is the wiser.


    • LOL! Ettarose,good point,but I like people to be wise to what I’m saying!


  22. I’m really disappointed that you didn’t find the real history. But I have a feeling I know what you’ll say to that. 😉


    • History lesson or not,UFR, I can see you’re a very quick learner!


  23. As my roommate is French and her girlfriend is British, I think I need to conduct an experiment. This could be interesting.


    • You’ll have to let me know how that works out,Kendall!


  24. I still don’t understand why it’s called ‘giving the bird’ ………

    BTW, I only ever say “I say ol’ bean, would you be a love and go away? – thanks a lot – toodle pip.”


    • I think they call it a bird because of the English. Something to do with the finger showing that they could still make it fly….I think,DP.


  25. Remember “Laugh In” on TV years ago? They were slightly risque with their “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate Award”. You reminded me of this, you and the horse you rode in on.


    • Well I take that as a compliment,Nonamedufus! Thank you!!


  26. Nice – I thought I was going to get a little sex education at first from the title. But I love the history lesson and I am not sure what would be more offensive….having a penis smaller then your middle finger or getting the middle finger from a hottie. I’ll take the later, much more fun. great read.


    • Sorry if the title disappointed you ,Walt. Maybe I’ll have to research more,if inquiring minds want to know.


  27. […] Short History of Offensiveness 13 07 2009 Inspired equally by this post courtesy of ThinkinFYou and the despairing idiocy of my devil children, I thought I would post a […]


    • What a great post,Sorcia!



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