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Paging Dr. Thinkinfyou

June 18, 2009

So I went to the doctor today,not the one that performed the astounding boobie magic on me ,just the regular type. And I hate to admit it, but I went back to the one that molested me nasally earlier this year.
Now I know what you’re thinking,”why would she go back and see someone that violated her in such a way!?!”,and believe me that thought went through my head too.The only excuse I can come up with for me being a glutton for nasal punishment is that the health care system in this country sucks!
Yep,you heard me right and with all honesty I don’t know whether it’s better to have insurance or not. Hell, with the expense I have to pay a month to have my whole family covered just in case, is almost as much as  I pay for my mortgage.Pretty sick isn’t it?  Now you would think that paying out a hell of a lot more than a pretty penny a month would allot me only the finest medical professionals money could buy,but you’d be wrong.
See after being traumatized at my last visit by this doctor in janitorial disguise,I did go online and searched my insurance company’s doc find network only to find that the handful that was on the list, my doctor was the only one that I could pronounce her last name. And I’m sorry but when it comes to going somewhere to have my physical self checked out,I don’t want to sit there half the time trying to figure out if he or she can understand what ails me, and the other half waiting to hear whether they are going to ask me if I want a Slurpee with that. I just can’t do it.
So that left me with no other option than to wait three fucking hours in a urine soaked waiting room that was equipped with a couple of rowdy children that were taking turns washing their hands in the water dispenser while their mother,who I could have swore had the worst case of tourettes I’d ever seen, talked on her cell phone. I thought my OCD was going to get the better of me,and I was going to go running out of their screaming for Dr. Rameshanandaian!! But I remained calm,did some deep breathing, and focused on dousing myself with hand sanitizer.

By the time I was led back to see my “doctor,”  I was greeted by the sight of a nurse Lysoling out the examining room. When she saw me standing there looking confused, she coughed out to me “Sorry the cat pee lady was just in.”  “The cat pee lady was just in?”,I inquired, holding back the vomit in the back of my throat. “Oh is that why…” “the waiting room smelled like cat piss”,she finished my question for me, “Yeah, she comes in once a month and smells up the whole place like cat piss. She lives alone just her and her thirty two cats,and you can smell all thirty two on her every time she comes. She leaves the whole place reeking of urine when she leaves,” she informed me. The whole scent of the place was now starting to make sense to me .Even through the heavy fumes of Lysol, I still felt the need to raid the alcohol wipes and swipe down the examining table before I jumped up on it.

Once the doctor finally came in I realized that her first impression on me wasn’t just a bad one,but her idea of a fashion statement. Her hair can only be described as a tight grandma styled perm  in a lovely shade of  clown orange,which for some reason made perfect sense once you caught a glimpse of the rest of her attire,which included a spectacular flowered blouse with dripping from what I could only assume to be her lunch splattered across the front of it like dew on the petals, a “where the hell did you get that” (and not in an envious way)skirt,sandals with her pantyhosed toes coming out the front of them,followed by a pair of Sally Jesse Raphael glasses that I assumed were to make her look smarter than her degree from a third world country that hung on the wall.

Although her look didn’t impress me, I hung in there feeling if she could deal with “the cat pee lady,” I would be a walk in the park. She started off by asking how I’d been lately while taking my pulse. I hate when people do that. Don’t they need to concentrate on counting the pulse? I was sure she couldn’t do two things at once, so I didn’t answer her until she was done,then I told her everything was fine,that I’m just in for a follow up. She asked me if anything had changed since the last time I was in,and I told her about having my twins resurrected,which seemed to excite her more than it probably should have. She asked almost instantly if she could see them,and well…I’m kind of proud,so I let the twins out for air,thinking she would just look ,maybe comment and that be that. But,NO! The woman made a B line for my breasts and felt me up longer than my uncle ever did. It was uncomfortable. The rest of the visit seemed to revolve around my breasts.She was like “Let me look up your nose again. Yep! Still looks like grapes up there,but they are nothing compared to your breasts. I’ll get you a consult with a ENT guy. By the way,how many CC’s did he use?” it went on and on,breast this,and tit that until I found myself dying to be drowned in cat pee so she’d want to rush me out of there.

Needless to say,I survived another experience with the doctor from Hell enough to write about it. But,I’m still not sure what to do about it, other than to sign up for medical school… that way I’ll save money and my life.

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29 comments

  1. Wonder if she’s any relation to the Surgeon that did my lumpectomy on my arm last year? 🙂

    Let me know when you get that degree – I’d be happy to make an annual trip down south for my physicals


    • I don’t know,D. I just think when going to the doctor there should be a certain sense of professionalism that they should exude.

      Once I get over the whole “passing out when I see blood” thing,I’m going to medical school!! I’ll let ya know when I’m done!


  2. Hi. Triangle Face, back for more…

    Feeling your pain… Doctor’s visits… Don’t even get me started… My favorite is how you fill out a medical questionnaire, then the medical assistant comes in and asks you the same questions…, then the doctor comes in not having a clue about anything you just told two different people who were SUPPOSED TO have conveyed that info…, and the Doc asks you the same questions again. Next time, I swear I’m making up a different story for each of them just to see if they pick up on it.

    Dr. ThinkinFyou, Medicine Woman. Well, at least you’d be “Thinkin”. That alone would have me showing up at your clinic.


    • I wonder if you’ll always get the triangle face,Bill?
      I can relate to the whole same question thing, always makes me wonder if they can read.


  3. Whooo hoooo look at you all gussied up over here.. I’m liking it.. As for the Dr. FeelYouUp, next time take secret video…this way you can get mucho dinero.

    Now I’ve gotta run and change my linky thingy but its a good thing..this way no more buttons to push!!


    • I’m liking it too,Nipsy! The new blog that is,not being felt up by the doctor!


  4. Love the new blog. The background pic is awesome.


    • Thanks so much,Justagirl!


  5. I don’t get the Nose Thing girly, Did they go in nasally to reach your chest area with the implants? If so, do you have video-taped footage? If you do, can you send it?


    • You have to read the link that I put in the post,Surveygirl,about the my first visit to this doctor.


  6. PS – Great boobular-success proof shot in pic of you serving up frontal bird in the white Hubby-beater (on your background) Give me your docs name – if my chest decides to walk south I may need a life LOL


    • Yeah,he did a fabulous job,Surveygirl. I’m quite happy with them!


  7. Alright I’m happy I got the circle shooting the world the V toungue. That’s what I would have picked. This post kind of bums me out cause I’ve been on the Dr. Me plan for 15 years now hpefully I don’t have to stop. And why is it every FL town has a cat piss lady? We got like three here.


    • Only three,FreakSmack!?! Well those are the only one you KNOW about. I’m sure there are plenty of others out there just waiting to be smelled!


  8. The TG had a doctor once that whatever she had wrong with her her knees had to examined. As she usually wears trousers …… well, you get the picture.

    He was struck off several years later – the TG thought it was hilarious ……


    • WOW! What a clever way to get someone to disrobe,DP. I don’t know how long I would have fallen for it,before cutting holes in the knees of my trousers before the visit.


  9. I just noticed one of those pics of you…damn! What the hell did you get size wise? The D’s. Porn star boobies huh? Oh well.
    Sorry you had to go back to the backstreet booger butcher, but maybe you can set him up for a major molestation suit.


    • Uh,NO,RedRaider! I’m still a little swollen,but I’m no where near porn star size!!! You do realize that a D,isn’t that big. People who have really big ones are more like an F,or a G. Right now(remember I’m still swollen) I’m a 34 DD,but by the time they go down I’ll be a 34D,which is only one size bigger than I was before hand.

      As for the Dr. From Hell,he is actually a she!!!


  10. I really have no comment relevant to your post…. just wanted to say that I LOVE your new pad. When are you going to have the housewarming? I’ll bring the wine!

    And I guess I am kinda wondering why you don’t just get a new doc?


    • Thanks so much,Marsha….I kind of like it too!

      As for finding a new doctor,I would love to but there aren’t many other in my network.


  11. New boobs and a new blog. What more could a girl want?

    Sorry about the network doc. It sucks that the ins. co. gets to pick them for you.


    • LOL! Nothing,I’m pretty happy!

      Yeah,it does suck.I’m just glad I not a very sick person…..just in the head!!


  12. Well, if it makes you feel any better, it sounds like your doctor may be a little sick in the head too.

    Actually, that probably doesn’t make you feel any better. hahaha.


    • Actually it does,Marsha! I tend to feel more comfortable around sick people!!


  13. Wotcher

    Like the new place. Very modern. Very Chic. A bit trendier than the old set-up. Not bad at all.

    Having trouble following you as an error occurred apparently. I shall have to look into it.

    And then ask someone who knows what they’re doing to fix it for me.


    • Thanks so much,The Jules! I wish I could help you with the technical issues,but I have no idea about that stuff.


  14. I moved too! I was planning on it, but made the move sooner than planned because of one minor detail – Blogger wouldn’t let me publish anymore. I have a long history with medical professionals, and doctors are the worst part of it. They are almost always weirdos parading as high society. When you find a good one – don’t switch! 🙂


    • They wouldn’t let you publish anymore!?! That is crazy,but change is always good. I’ll have to swing by and see what it looks like.
      As for the doctor thing…..I’m still waiting to find a good one!!


  15. […] I deserve it! I went back to the doctors today,you know the one that nasally molested me,and was so amazed with my new breasts, I swear she almost licked my nipple. Well, I went in to see her today,just for a normal check up […]



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