They Don’t Know Dick!

January 20, 2009

I was innocently stumbling the other day when I came across one of those sites that gives your blog a movie rating.Thinking that the site was as harmless as questioning and shaking a Magic 8 Ball, I gave it a go. I typed in my URL and almost instantly came to the conclusion that this site wasn’t just for entertainment purposes only. No, it was in fact a psychoanalyzing tool because within seconds it popped back with a NC-17 rating ,as if to show me that I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to small children. And if that wasn’t enough, it went on to try to shame me with a list of profanity it found littering my blog.
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
Little did it know that I feel no shame in being a fuck user. I make it a point daily to try and incorporate the word into as many conversations as I can because I don’t think there is a stronger word in the English language that gets attention and your point across in just four small letters.It’s time saving and really rolls off the tongue quite nicely.I believe fuck is an awesome word that is just highly misunderstood by most. It’s as if the power of fuck scares people. So I’ve made it one of my many missions in life to help change the way the world sees fuck,by using it as often as possible.So seeing it on the list made me smile knowing that I’m fulfilling my make fuck friendly destiny.
Thanks to The Fly for the video!

What did surprise me was that fuck wasn’t the chart topper for the list. No, according to the ratings people/psychiatrists, I must be suffering from a severe case of penis envy because the word penis was used twice as often as fuck. I couldn’t believe they could say that. Me having a penchant for penis!?! No way, and if you don’t believe me ask my husband after years of trying to convert me, he knows I’m still far from a worshiper.The fact that these Freudian site owners after mere seconds could pop up and say that nobody under 17 should be allowed to listen to what I say for fear that I’ll fill their ears with talk of penis is pure bullshit!

What those people don’t know is that before I started this blog I spent my time focusing on writing children’s books. Children’s books for conjoined twins to be precise.And who else can say they went there?Honestly I saw a need to create a role model for them and went for it. I researched other things that could have two heads and learned that earthworms can regenerate and some times end up with two heads. Excited by my findings I sat down and penned “Earl and Pearl The Earthworm Twin” . Here’s an excerpt…..

Some earthworms have two heads you know
with two personalities and brains to grow

But what if those two brains had very different thoughts
Do you think there would be trouble?
I bet there’d be lots!

So let me tell you the story of an earthworm pair
Who only had one body that they both had to share.

Now if that doesn’t scream selfless non-penis thinking giver I don’t know what does. I was just trying to do my part to make the world a better place.And so what if an earthworm can be seen as a phallic symbol! I know in my heart that I did it for the children,not because I had penis on my mind. Fuck that site for judging me. I know what I am,and I’m not in penile…I mean denial.



  1. Ha ha fuck! That was great. Not only did you incorporate the word “fuck” into your post multiple times, but you employed it’s general meaning quite well.

    I’ll be linking back to this article in an upcoming post about the MPAA. I’ll hit ya back with the link later on.

    As for the rating blogging meme, it’s all for fun and silliness, don’t give it any more thought.


  2. Thanks so much,Static! Can’t wait to read your post!!

  3. Fuck them! Those rating people don’t know dick!

  4. No problemo. I’ve been planning on doing another article about this very topic. The MPAA rating system.
    I hate the MPAA. But I also hate the fact that right-wingers freak out so much about situations out of their control and parents don’t educate their kids about these things, so that nazi rating systems wouldn’t have to exist in the first place.

    I find it oddly disturbing that violence in movies is considered less harmful than seeing boobs for one. Isn’t there something just obscenely wrong with that scenario?

    Btw, I just rated my own blog at that weblink.

    I received an NC-17 rating also.
    “This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

    * shit (6x)
    * hell (4x)
    * gun (2x)
    * drugs (1x)

    Wow, I think I’ve used shit many more times than that, hell I’ve used plenty for certain, I don’t remember using the words gun or drugs, but maybe I’ve referred to them?…and then there are other words I’ve used that aren’t even listed there.

    Hmm..methinks this internet blog rating contraption is bullshit. =)

  5. haha, penis envy is funny. You should just drop that line in an argument with a guy, just tell them “shut up, your just angry because youve got penis envy” haha.

    But anyway, you should check this video out if you havent already seen it.

    buzz buzz

  6. I was shocked at my rating. PG. I feel kind of ripped off. Or special. Because I’ve said my full share of curses and they didn’t mention one on my “list of sins”. Instead, I got tagged for apparently saying masochist 3x, sex 2x, and death 1x. I had no idea I talked about masochist so much and sex so little. Hmm. Interesting.

  7. Thanks,Tim!

    I think you’re right,Static!

    I’ll watch the video soon,Fly!

    PG,Jules!!! That’s impossible,yours has gotta be at least a PG13….I would have thought.

  8. Hi,
    I love your blog and I think you would appreciate my sense of humor. If I link to your blog on my blog is there any way you could return the favor? I think we could both get more exposure!

    Check it out: http://scottstipoftheday.blogspot.com

    Thanks so much

  9. You’re really funny,Scott!
    Linked you!

  10. As a closet psychologist and one who works in the penile system, I can honestly say, “You go guhl!” I kinda like penis myself. That is mine! And fuck? Aww what the hell is the problem with that? My penis loves the word, but my site rating is an R so I guess I’m not exercising my right to fucking penises enough.

  11. LOL! I don’t know if that’s a right,Don.

    BTW, Happy Birthday!!!

  12. Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting! YOU are funny, funny ha-ha lady. Let’s work together to bring “fuck” to the mainstream. I’m with you — How dare I get rated for my profanity rather than my gratuitous use of dead baby analogies?!
    Life = unfair.
    PS Link my junk and I’ll totally do the same!

  13. Linked,Sassafrasjunction!!!

  14. Now how am I going to get the image of the worm as a phallic symbol out of my head?!


  15. Oops! Sorry about that,Pearl!!

  16. Now that’s funny.

    Me? I got an NC-17 as well..


    Because in my three or four posts that are on my front page, I used the words Fuck (x4) Shit (x4) and Bullshit (x2)..

    Apparently these aren’t kid-friendly words! Did you know that?

    You?? Penis envy?

    Only if you start acting like Lorena Bobbitt! Then we’ll REALLY have to watch out for ya!

    Loved the FUCKING post (penis)!

  17. Kid-friendly my ass,Jormengrund. I guess these people having been around children lately. Some kids mouths make me blush…of course they aren’t MY children.

    Oh and don’t worry I’ll never be a Lorena Bobbitt!!!LOL!

  18. What the Fuck!! I got a G rating!

    Ok I figured everyone here was useing the Fuck word so I Fucking figured I would Fucking use the Fucking word also. Fuck!!

    AAHHH! I feel better now. I guess I need to swear more on my blog.

  19. What the fuck,Hatter!?! G rating,no Fucking way!!!!

  20. I know that’s Fucked up right!? I was going to post yesterday but I had my mojo going on in my newest post. I was atleast hoping for a Fucking “R”! HELL! I would be happy with a fucking “PG-13” but no I get a Fucking “G”!

  21. I think I need to start calling you,Rev.Hatter the Mary Poppins of the blogging world.

  22. Wow! T, That burned a little bit. Trust me though I don’t look good in a dress. Hmmm, I wonder if that would put me in the NC-17 group!?

    PS. Did you get that Cd yet? I might have to fly to Portland and knock two chuckle heads together, if you didn’t.

  23. You might wanna try it,Mary,oh I mean Rev.Hatter!

    Nope,I never got the CD,you could always pop open your umbrella and fly there! LOL!

  24. Heh, looks like I’ve earned my R once again –
    rectum (6x)
    whore (4x)
    gun (3x)
    asshole (1x)

    But don’t worry darlin these DICKS are just a bunch of prudes anyway.

  25. LOL! Trukindog,you’ve used the word rectum plenty more times than asshole? You must be a really scientific guy!

  26. What are they talking about…I have your blog up at the day care all the time….

  27. You too huh with that stupid dumb ass rating. Fuck it….oh wait that was my non-existent penis talking..

  28. I got the same rating as you. I really was hoping for an X rating. Oh well fuck! It’s something to work on.

  29. And the kids LOVE IT ,don’t they,VE?

    Your non-existent penis has quite the mouth on it,Dani! LOL!

    Do they even offer an X rating,Ettarose? At least that would be something to shoot for!

  30. Thats hilarious!

    I only got a PG13 and I’ve mentioned shit, cumshots, sperm, and penis in post titles. You’re hardcore!

  31. You know what it is ,Sean,you mention unicorns in the name of your blog.Everyone over 13 must love unicorns,and I guess cumshots too! That’s the only explanation I can come up with.

  32. I’m overstimulated.

  33. Is that a good thing or a bad thing,Earpoke?

  34. Strange how such a site is sponsored by a dating agency. Are children allowed to use that?

  35. I had no idea that it was sponsored by such,Adullamite. I’m sure there is an age limit to join,or you would hope there would be.

  36. After last post I made an “R” now.

  37. Congrats to you,Rev.!!!

  38. I use the word fuck a lot.
    ” Where the fuck are my keys?”
    ” I like this fuckin movie.”
    ” The Vortex makes the best fuckin burgers!”
    ” Fuck, I need some coffee.”
    ” Go fuck your mother.”
    ” How do bees fuck? No. Really.”
    ” Fuck you. Thank you.”

  39. Good for you,Mike! Those are all lovely uses for the word fuck!!

  40. I don’t think they scan to deep into the blogs they rate cause I’ve used asshole more than once and I’m sure more than 6 times but rectum does have a nice RING at the end of it don’t you think?

  41. A ring around the rectum is never a good thing,Trukindog. I believe that just a sign that a good scrubbing is in order.

  42. ahhhhhhh fucke em if they can’t take a joke about penisis (peni?) On your blog. I LOVE it. I think I shall go see hwat my blog is rated now!

    Fuckin hey! I’m only R rated I’ll have to do something about that

  43. You need to get to work on that,Dizz! Why don’t you try for XXX!

  44. You have been tagged by this lil fucker (me). =)


  45. I’ll go check it out,Static!

  46. Great post! I happen to like the word ‘fuck’ a lot too. It’s the only appropriate word for so many occasions!

  47. Isn’t it,Jane Doe? Thanks for the visit!!

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