I Am The Funny One!

November 19, 2008
Let me start out by saying that,I AM the “funny” one in my family.Believe it ,it’s true. Of course to remain truthful, my family doesn’t consider being funny to be a wondrous gift. In fact, I believe I was given the title as more of a consolation prize.You see ,I was raised in a house with three extraordinary siblings, at least in my mother’s eyes, they were gifted beyond compare,well at least when they were when compared to me.

See first there is my older sister who is known as the “smart” one.Growing up she was the one that until the day she moved out, had all her A+ papers covering the whole refrigerator. From top to bottom it was filled with reminders of her brilliance. I can remember every time I was out in the kitchen with my mother,and she would open the door to my sister’s exhibit of excellence,she’d say ” I swear she’s so intelligent,she going to cure cancer one day, I just know it!”

Then there is my younger sister who is the “pretty” one. So pretty, you would think I spent all my time in the womb, building a Barbie factory in my mother’s uterus just so she could pop out physical perfection on the next go around. Now this sister was worse than my older one, because the reminder of her greatness wasn’t just kept in the kitchen,it followed her where ever she went. People would stop,stare,and compliment.My mother would always break out in a huge smile and say to the complimenter “Oh,she looks just like me.You should have seen me when I was her age.”

Next is my baby brother.He was special because he was born possessing one more dangley appendage than the rest of us,and for some weird reason that made him like the king of our family. I swear,that little shit could do anything ,from burning down the house, to lighting the neighbor’s cat on fire, and was still allowed to keep his throne and rule with his birth given skin scepter. Any time someone would call and say that they caught my brother up to no good,I could hear my mother yelling back into the phone ” No,you must be mistaken. Not my son, my moon,my star, you got the wrong kid!”

I can remember spending lots of time as a kid wishing that I had half of what my siblings all possessed effortlessly,and that my mother would say nice things about me and my gift. I wanted to be the smart ,pretty,you’re great without a penis one,but it never happened. I was branded as the funny one. Which would have probably been an OK trait if my mother wasn’t raised Catholic.See Catholics have this great saying that they use whenever someone is doing something besides standing,sitting, or kneeling to pray. They have a tendency to tell you,you’re going to hell.So needless to say any time I would try to amuse her, she’d let out this uncomfortable laugh and in the same breath tell me I was going to hell . In her eyes there was no doubt , I was blessed with the gift of damnation. No curing any cancer, and looking good while doing it without a penis. No,it was a don’t pass go and go straight to hell.

Now you would think being warned that you’re going to hell daily,might scare some children ,cause them to rethink their behavior,and win more kudos from Mom…but not me.No, instead I saw it as my direction,a goal per say.So I took my title as the “funny” one and owned it. I am proud to say all these years later , I’m still known in my family for my title,and am probably prayed for more than all of them combined for it.

So seeing that my family thinks I’m funny and I have tons of the power of prayer behind me,I decided to sign up to join Humorbloggers.com, and interact with other people who have the gift of funny. Believe me, there are tons of people over there that will be joining me in hell if funny is a prerequisite , go check them out. Oh and while your there, there’s a contest going on right now for Humor Blogger of the Year,if you wouldn’t mind voting for me,”Writing Quiets The Voices In My Head”, in the personal life humor blogger section,that would be great. Just think of your vote as a gift to me,before I make my descent to the depths below.





  1. My little brother got most of the accolades in our family-except in athletics and getting drunk. I took first place in those categories as well as in whippings with a belt on me arse…
    I still had a penis though so I guess I won’t complain too much. It does come in handy!

  2. Oh I win for the most ass beatings in my family too,Don!

  3. T…
    Ummm. I’d say you is the most glittery one and the onlyest one with a blog too!Plus, you look hot as a devil. You didn’t say what Hawny was…
    Love you bunches,

  4. Aww,thank you Eve! I would like to be seen as the glittery one. As for Hawny,that bitch wasn’t around long enough to get a title.

  5. I always suspected that you might be the funny one ……..

  6. LOL! Does it show,DP?

  7. Now why would I vote for you? What’s in it for me? Hmmmmmmm?

    After all… my blog was the recipient of the reach around… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. Well that should be reason enough,LL!

  9. I was also labeled as a child. I was known as the “chubby, brainless, least likely to succeed one”. Ahh, those were the days. Of course things have changed now that I’m an adult. Now I’m know as the “chubby, brainless, unsuccessful one.” It’s nice to know that I’ve achieved the goals set out for me.

  10. We are gonna make such great roommates in Hell!! FTR, I think funny trumps beauty and brains!! Well, at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

    p.s. I’d vote for you, but I already voted for myself — I had to have at least one vote. Didn’t want to be a complete O. ๐Ÿ˜€

  11. LOL!Joel,at least you didn’t let your parents down,that’s the way I look at it.
    That’s why I labeled all three of my children as, “the millionaires that are going to take care of Mommy.” I’m hoping that works!

  12. I tell myself the same thing,Angie.Although,both of them used their beauty and brains,and are quite successful.Me on the other hand,well I’m begging for votes just so I can show them being funny paid off.LOL! It’s a sad,sad reality.

  13. I was the funny one, good looking one w/appendage, smart one, black sheep, demon child, all rolled into one package. What does that make me? An only child.

    So, in the here and now, if you have to watch Cops to keep up on family business, then you are the successful one in the end. That is as long as you stay off of Cops.

    I cast my vote for you. Hope there isn’t a chad problem.

  14. How could you be the black sheep,Erebus,if you were an only child? That statement alone says a lot about you. LOL!

    Thank you for your vote,and I promise to try to stay off Cops. If I fail miserably though,I promise to give you a shout out while being cuffed!! So stay tuned!!!

  15. Sorry, but I can’t vote for you since Fracas and I had a black child together who turned out to be a blogger like both of us.

    As for siblings I was an only child, until I tracked down the SOB that inseminated my mother, met my half brother, and then discovered my cousin could really be my niece, which is actually illegal in Florida after we cohabitated two months together.

    You’re a very fortunate young girl.

  16. It’s OK,John. After reading your comment,I understand why you would want to keep it in the family.LOL!

  17. She’s already gotten to you too, huh? I’m doomed.

  18. It looks that way,John!

  19. Will they make us accept Thorazine communion as well?

  20. No,being psychotic is welcomed.

  21. But…how do we know if we’re psychotic if we’re psychotic.

    My inner children are hiding behind the older alts in confusion, and the alts are telling them all there is no such thing as psychosis…or mad cow disease either. (The vegans are trying to take over again though, it’s rather disturbing sometimes being a virtual minivan in my head.)

  22. Dangley Appendage…

    Skin Scepter…

    These would both be GREAT names for a band.

  23. There your problem right there,John,even voices don’t like riding in a minivan. Try switching up how you transport your inner children,and you might get some peace.

  24. You wanna start one,Captain Dick?
    I’m quite impressive on the drums…well at least when I’m playing Rock Band.
    I’d be willing to showcase my drumming talents touring with “Captain Dick and The Skin Scepters!

  25. Damn, i better start campaign! You go girl!!

  26. There’s one thing about your blog, it’s so loud that the voices in my head sound like a whisper. Take a bright light and shine it through SaranWrap. . . . . NOT a good time to have cataracs. I hate getting this old.

  27. Can’t wait to see your campaign,THH!

  28. Is it that bad,Dana Wyzard? Sorry about that,but my blog is a perfect example of me.

  29. Personally, I think it’s fabulous that you’re the “funny” one. I mean, there’s plenty of things worse than going to hell, right? Right? There isn’t?


  30. Well I think that depends on who you ask,NGIP. Personally,I believe having to deal with my family has gotta be worse than going to hell!

  31. My mother has a 7 sisters, and 3 brothers. She helped raise a two of my cousins, because she had a couple black sheep siblings. Technically I was an only child, but I wasn’t really raised as one.

    My one cousin fit the Smart role, the other fit the beauty role. I had a choice between funny or delinquent. Delinquent was more fun. Plus it’s given me an edge later in life ๐Ÿ˜‰

  32. You should put that on your resume,Erebus. I’m sure that would be a major plus for helping catch the bad guys.

  33. No T, I’m the funny one! No just kidding. I voted for ya

  34. Thank you,thank you,thank you,Reverend Hatter!

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