The Beverly Smellbillies

November 16, 2008

Our house was plagued with septic troubles over this last week,and ever since I can’t seem to get the experience out of my head.I think it scarred me for life.I guess I’m having a problem coming to terms with the fact,that my shit really does stink…that really bothers me.So like with everything else that bothers me ,I tried to write about it, just to get the thoughts out of my head and let the paper take ownership of it for awhile.But every time I tried to write ,I felt I wasn’t giving an accurate enough description of the situation,well, enough for it to leave me at least.So I decided to sing about it instead,maybe that would help the mental image disappear.So I sat down,and wrote a song, to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”theme song. If you remember the tune, feel free to sing along with me,and my new lyrics…….Hopefully, nobody will feel scarred afterwards.

Come listen to a story about the week I’ve had
It started off great and then turned really bad
Cuz one day I went out on my stoop
And saw up through the ground came my bubblin poop

Shit that is, black turds and some pee

Well the next thing you know the smell of shit filled the air
I had to tell my kids,” Kids move away from there.”
They said ,”I see corn floatin in that debris”
So I looked at the muck and I had to agree

Yep,corn that is, swimming in the stool, that looks like Hershey bars

Well then it was time to say good bye to the corn and all the shit
So I called up a company that could take care of it
They came out ,pumped it, and took it all away.
And I hope I never see it again for forever and a day

Poop that is. God the smell! Makes ya wanna rip your nose off.

Hope it don’t come back up, round here.



  1. Thank you for sharing.

    Now I have to get the image of bubbling crap out of my mind. And I’m vicariously suffering through the stench. I think I’ll put off having dinner for a while. Suddenly, I’m not hungry.

  2. Sorry about that,Joel. I guess that’s one good thing that came out of a bubblin septic,I haven’t been able to eat all week. It’s great for the waistline!!

  3. Too funny! I’ll be singing that the rest of the day!

  4. Hopefully the original version,Hatter!

  5. I’ve seen the Beverly Hillbillies maybe 3 times this past year. The last time was about 10 minutes prior to reading this! Between that and this post I’ll be the one to have all of your shit in my head throughout the holidays. Thanks for the Christmas memories to come. Shit!

  6. LOL! Well Don,just consider me your shitty secret Santa for this year. HO,HO,OH,NO!!

  7. So how long did it take you to come up with the words to your new song?

  8. A little less than 2 hours,Hatter. I couldn’t get the experience out of my mind,so it was quite simple to concentrate on what I’d just been through.YUCK!

  9. LMFAO

    That is too funny. Though I’m not too sure that every time I hear “The Beverly Hillbillies” theme song now, I won’t be thinking about shit. Seriously, that is a very creative way to let go of such a traumatic experience. 😀

  10. Well thank you ,Angie! It was a very traumatic experience,the song didn’t even do it justice.

  11. Ahahahhahhahaha. *wipes tear* *more giggling*

    That was GREAT! Although I’m thoroughly glad I don’t like corn because after reading this I’m not too sure I’d be able to eat it otherwise. lol

  12. I know it’s disgusting,but unfortunately true,Jules. I heard that corn doesn’t digest in your system,and after last week,I know this to be fact.

  13. Terri!
    Why does my stumble button have to be F#cked up now??? Help me fix it..I can’t go on this way. Listen, it is not yours that stinks..it’s your family’s.
    Hearts and kittens,

  14. I have no idea how to stumble,Eve. LOL! So it’s my whole family that stinks…..for some reason that doesn’t make me feel too much better.LOL!

  15. Not only am I laughing between drive heaving, but I had to loop the current song in my iPod to get that song out of my head.

    Did your family actually eat enough corn to be seen in all (pardon the pun) that shit?

    uuuugh…dry heaves and chills again…;)

  16. That is a song written about a true story,Erebus. Kids are in awe about where stuff goes,and develop a very keen eye for recognizing what’s floating.I thought they were just being disgusting,but they were right.

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