Keep Your Imaginary Friends Close

November 3, 2008

I have a confession to make to all of you today….I’m not really creative. No…really, I’m not.Creative in meaning,having the ability or power to create as in “a creative imagination.”Nope,I can’t see myself in that definition by law. The reason I can’t stems from a situation that happened long ago,I couldn’t have been but three years old at the time when I was accused of being an imagination stealer,and had to go through trial by a jury of my family.That found me guilty and left me with the title of “Imagination Thief”as a punishment.A title that follows me to this day,and doesn’t allow for me to take credit for creativity.

You see,it all started when my older sister developed an imaginary friend,her name was Hawny.Now,I can’t even begin to tell you the effects this invisible person had on my little life. But for the sake of honesty in this confession,I hated her,with every three year old bone in my body,and some thirty-six year old bones too.In my defense there were plenty of reasons for my hatred.For starters, I despised that Hawny got to the sit at the dinner table with the whole family and received just as much food as I did,and didn’t get in trouble if she didn’t eat her vegetables.She wasn’t told about all the starving children in Africa that were crying because I was being wasteful by puking up my peas. No, Hawny’s plate was always full at the end of dinner ,but still got a huge helping of dessert that my sister would help her eat,while I had to sit there staring at upchucked green shit.How is that fair?I can tell you, it’s not! Then there’s the years I had to sleep on the edge of the bed , for fear that my sister was certain that I would smush her beloved friend in the middle of the night.Little did she know there’s a difference between unintentional smushing and intentional smothering,if only I had the body weight at the time to hold that pillow down,Hawny wouldn’t have lingered in my life for as long as she did. Hawny was also allowed to play with all my sister’s good toys that she would bite me if I even looked at them for too long.And to tell you the truth, I wasn’t even allowed to make friends with Hawny either.Every time I would act like I was trying to talk to her,my sister would yell at me that I was sitting on her,and say,”No wonder Hawny hates your guts!”

I can say with all honesty, I did try to play well with see through others but it didn’t work.I got to a point where I decided just to ignore my sister and her stupid friend,and just go about my business of eating crayons. I was about three crayons into a new box when I overheard my parents talking about how proud they were of my sister for being so imaginative and coming up with an invisible friend.There was no doubt in their minds that my sister was intellectually blessed.I believe it was shortly after that conversation I did what I did that causes me to be considered non creative to this day.

What did I do to go down in family infamy? Well the only thing that seemed right at the time. I stole Hawny from my sister,tortured the hell out of that hypothetical person,and sent her packing within days.I can remember my sister crying as I kicked Hawny in the head,threw my peas at her pretend face,and blamed Hawny for peeing the bed,after all it couldn’t have been me,I had to sleep on the edge, remember.It got so bad my parents said Hawny wasn’t allowed at our house anymore.I was awesome at this imagination shit,but for some reason my parents weren’t as proud of me for having a little imaginary fun as they were of my sister .Nor did they see me as a shining example of a genius in the making. No, instead they looked at me with a look of pure confusion that still plagues their faces today in my presence.

After reading this I’m sure some of you are in firm agreement with me that I’m not very creative,well at least not in a good way. And are probably wondering why I even brought this up,if it’s not something I am very proud of. Well the reasoning behind that comes from the fact I have been awarded twice by two different amazingly creative bloggers ,Angie at “Cup Of Snarky” and Bill at “I Animate You”,with The Kreativ Blogger Award. Both I’m sure in their defense, wouldn’t have included me on their lists if they’d been aware of my past. So I apologize to both of them,and thank them in the same breath. And as for you my shocked and appalled readers, I want you to know I will understand if you decide you just can’t indulge yourself in my bizarre take on creativity anymore,know that you aren’t alone ,most people can’t handle huge amounts of me.It’s OK. But before you leave,take with you two great links to creativity done right.Go visit Bill and Angie,they won’t let you down, like I have.
With My Sincerest Apologies,
Thinkinfyou A.K.A Imagination Thief, or as my sister still likes to call me, Hypothetical Hawny Hurter



  1. LMAO Oh, you clever, clever girl! I don’t doubt my decision for a second of giving you this award. Anyone that can be creative enough at the age of three to expel an imaginary friend from the house is MEGA-creative in my book. — too funny!

  2. OMG! Really Angie? I am so going to call my mom and tell her you said that!!
    Hopefully she’ll take my call!
    Thanks so much again!!

  3. I agree with angiess. That was brilliant!

  4. Baby Girl~You are so my hero. My adorable little sister ruled the roost. Your struggle, your plight, fight and phenomenal resilience against sibling manipulations deserves massive respect, applause, Purple Hearts and complete and utter understanding.

    My sister, born thirteen months to the day after me, was a beauty. Long lashes, big green eyes, luscious dark hair and bloody brilliant. But I had a small corner that was mine. I was an artist.

    I left home at 16 to go to art school in Philadelphia. Two years later, my sister went to Berkley, CA, as a pre-law/business major. A year before I graduated Philadelphia College of Art, she called to let me know she’d switched her major.

    Now, she was going to be an artist, a painter. The only area in my life where I shone. I won’t bore you with details here. I may write about this old wound caused by the woman that will not have me in her life.

    In the meantime, my poppet, I’d like to say something to you. I’ve not yet gone to the sites that honoured you. I will, but I don’t need to.

    You are a joy, a gem and a success. Why else would people flock to your blog? You write clearly, with fabulous imagination. You made it my reality to hate that cow Hawny. Bloody brilliant, in my opinion.

  5. Thank you so much,Jules!

  6. Thank you ,Dano. I too know what it’s like to be the “black sheep” of the family.In fact my younger sister(the pretty one)got me a little black sheep stuffed animal for my birthday.It really is a running joke in my family.But I’ve found ways to deal with it.I always just remember that if you gotta be a sheep in a fucked up flock,be the black one…black is a very slimming color!!

  7. If I weren’t such a gentleman, I’d smack you around for constantly underestimating yourself. I’m with AngieSS in that it took A LOT of imagination and creative ability to get rid of that little imaginary bitch.

    You think you understand the difference between the sexes. That takes a lot of imagination! lol

    Your splash of color post – very imaginative. And your son’s birthday – the best.

    You’re creative damnit, deal with it! Luv ya!

  8. To tell you the truth Bill,when it comes to having to be creative, I instantly become like an old man’s penis.I develop such performance anxiety I can’t do anything. Like the comment you left me awhile back about being a member of Humorbloggers.com,and how I need to write an introduction,and create a banner,etc….I’m totally blank on what to say in a introduction,and have no idea how to make a banner.So I just stay limp.

  9. What a waste…

  10. Don you’re beginning to sound an awful lot like my family. Have you been talking to my mother?

  11. I had an imaginary friend but he never wanted to play with me ….. ho hum

  12. Did you really,DP? I wonder how many children develop an imaginary friend in their childhood. I think I’m going to look that up to see how common it is.

  13. I heard Hawny got that award last month…

  14. She might have VE,but that bitch lives in fear everyday!!!

  15. Being a former delinquent myself, I must say that was very original. I wish you had film of Hawny’s ass kicking.

    And WTF? Where did that name even come from!? Hawny. Please.

  16. No tape of the Hawny ass beating anywhere in my family’s archives,Erebus.

    As for the name “Hawny”, that was my older sister’s imagination hard at work. If I would have created a mind friend ,I would have had enough sense to name the damn thing a word I wasn’t allowed to say normally without soap bubbles coming out of my mouth shortly after it was said.

  17. But you can say it now. So go ahead. Say it. Say it LOUD! 😉

  18. I can’t name one by the laws of imagination,Erebus. I was convicted ,and still do not have that right.Well that’s at least what my sister would tell you.

  19. Okay, I’m going to make you a banner, and write you an intro. You’re not getting off that easy!

  20. You wanna become my humor adviser too?LOL! Thank you Bill,for your help on the banner.That is overly thoughtful.I appreciate it!!

  21. anyone who kidnaps someone’s imaginary friend is creative in my book! 😀

  22. Thank you so much,Chat Blanc!! I’m still trying to get a hold of my mother, so I can tell her that people see it as creative and not deranged. Hopefully these comments will help her see the light.

  23. Haha that’s awesome.

    No worries, I’m the oposite of creative.

  24. The opposite of creative is destructive,Sully. Wow, you fall between those guidelines too!?!

  25. Terri!
    Um, you tried to make a man fer your friend girl’s b’day present…not many of us can claim that…”Hawny” is the best name anyone has ever thunk up though. Socks oft to sis fer that one.
    BILL…if you are readin this- I MISS YOU!

  26. I have to admit when I saw the title of your post, “Keep Your Imaginary Friends Close”, I naturally assumed that it was a post about God. Some people aren’t as good at kicking out their own or other people’s imaginary friends when they are adults as you were at 3.

    OK, let the flaming begin.

  27. Well thank you ,Eve. I’ll have to tell my sister you said so.
    As for Bill,I miss him too! I was going to email you and see if you found out what happened with him.

  28. Thank you,Joel Klebanoff,for the compliment,and the visit. I hope you come by again!

  29. Just catching up on my reads. Oh My God, Are you kidding me? Not Creative?

    Tell mom that it takes a whole lot more creativity to kick an imaginary friend’s ass than to have it eat dinner with the family. As far as the name Hawny – I prefer FIGISHI for a name. If you sound it out just right, it stands for “F— Is She?” As in, “Where the F— is she?” A much better name for someone you can’t see.

    LOL – LOL – LOL on the ass kicking!~


  30. LOL! I love the name,DMLD! It’s much more fitting for an invisible person.

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