Help A Groupie Out!

October 2, 2008

I come to you today filled with excitement.Tomorrow I am going to see my FAVORITE band ,The Counting Crows in concert.I could just pee myself, I’m so excited by this. It has been forever since I’ve been to a concert(1990 Billy Squier).You see, my love for music and concerts didn’t change ,but the fact that I had children to raise , then once they got old enough,I had to fork over money for them to go see shows themselves,so my dream of groupiehood died long ago. Tomorrow night though, I get to return to my love of being around people that share my passion for melodic sound.I swear there is something really magical about getting caught up in the music and letting it claim your soul for awhile,I’ve missed that during my hiatus.

Another thing that I lost during my hiatus is my ability to think up an ingenious way to get backstage to meet the band.For the life of me, I’m drawing a blank.I mean things have changed since the last time I went to a concert.My breasts for one, are atrocious and wouldn’t be noticeable to anyone unless they were down pick up something from the ground,so I can no longer use my “assets” to gain access,unless I’m looking for pity which sucks because if I could meet anyone, it would be Adam Duritz from The Counting Crows. I have a major crush on the man,that most would say resembles a Rastafarian. To me though, he seems perfectly lickable.Not to mention the fact, the man is a lyrical genius ,with a voice that speaks to my soul.He’s just walking perfection if you ask me.

When I think about it,I guess it’s probably best I don’t meet him because I would most likely wet myself in his presence, and I’m sure he’d be a little put off by having to step over a puddle to say hello.But then again, if I wore a Depends, not only would that hold my urine and help me not look like Miss Pee Pee Pants ,it might also do wonders for my ass! HA,HA, I think I might be on to something here!The dream is not lost.Even though, I think I still need help on this one. So would you mind helping me out by telling me….how do you get backstage at a concert??I’m open to any and all suggestions.PLEASE! Don’t you want to be an accomplice to dreams coming true? I promise,I’ll try them and tell you how they panned out after the concert or when I make bail,which ever comes first.



  1. I have to admit I’ve no clue how you’d go about getting backstage, never tried it. I’d say just put on your best Terri Garr attitude and act like you belong there. Let us know how the concert went! And if you peed yourself of course lol

  2. Well Bill,I don’t know if I can keep a cool attitude with pee dripping down my leg,but we’ll have to see.
    I’ll be sure to post with pictures of either the concert or my mug shot. :o)

  3. Hey, Grl,
    Depends are a great idea! Do you mind if I borrow that-I mean the idea, not your depends.

  4. I have yet to try them out yet,Eve. I’m wondering if they will make my ass sag more than it does now. I’ll let you know if they helped or hindered the situation.

  5. Option 1: When I was a young delinquent, I would go to the venue really early with a fudged, official looking ID card worn around my neck in a lanyard. I would simply walk around and make it look like I was doing something. No one ever stopped me.

    I got into Jimmy Buffet 5 years straight that way, plus saw everyone from Aerosmith to Ziggy Marley. I never got back stage though. Didn’t want to push my luck. Doesn’t mean you couldn’t try though.

    Option 2: Become a member of law enforcement. I can just pull out my badge. Though I have never done that…yet.

    Option 3: Enough with the body image issues. Wait for a venue janitor to pop his head out the back for a smoke, and lay on your womanly charms.

  6. So you are saying Erebus,with less than twenty-four hours till the show…I need to suck it up and seduce a janitor?

    My my my sir…what a BIG mop you have.
    Does that sound convincing???

  7. You could always go the “what a smooth squeegee you have” route LOL! Or “what a large key RING you have”…OMG I need to stop, because my wife doesn’t come home until Monday.

  8. Yeah you really should stop,Erebus.If you don’t you’ll end up having some really whacked out dreams tonight about a dirty janitor wanting to plunge you. *shudder*

  9. OK…really…I laughed my ass off, gagged, then flipped you the bird Tinkerbell:p But it’s scary finding out what goes on inside a mans head when the wife is gone, isn’t it.

    Wait, try dressing up like Tinkerbell and make a wish ๐Ÿ˜€

    I swear…I’m done now.

  10. Tinkerbell didn’t grant wishes,Erebus.She could only sprinkle pixie dust on people to make them fly…..I don’t think that would help me with my dilemma. I guess I should be the one dreaming of janitors :o(

  11. I haven’t a clue I’m afraid….. too busy laughing at you wetting yourself and tripping over your boobies …. tee hee

  12. So I’m not done.

    Just wanted to say have a great time at the concert.

  13. Well its alittle late but for next time.
    Join the bands street team/fan club. Sometimes the band give special backstage passes to these people.


    Try this one.

    Take a voice recorder with you walk up to backstage security and tell them that you are a music blogger that would like to get a interview with the band.

    This may or may not work.. One nice thing about being a blogger, anymore we are like the press.

    Also bands like to goto bars after a show. So scout the local bars/clubs after a show. you may find em hanging out there. (This is how I met clutch and type o negative)

    Good Luck

  14. It would be funny DP,if it wasn’t the truth :o(

    Thanks Erebus,I will!

    LOL! Hatter I knew you would come through for me with great ideas! Thank you!!! Now to see if I can pull off the whole blogger/reporter act.
    Keep your fingers crossed that I don’t render myself speechless :o0

  15. Hey let me know if that one works. I have yet to try it.

    If it comes down to it you could offer the backstage security alittle something, something for letting you backstage (Money sickos Money :)). So take quite a few extra bucks.

  16. Stalking,bribery,or prostitution …hmmmm such a hard call..which one do you think you serve less time for if caught? Gosh I have so many decisions to make in such a short time!

  17. T you have given me my post for today thanks.
    Also take a camera. If you are going the blogger route, Look for the CREW staff (mostly they wear Black shirts, Event Staff wears Yellow). When you find one of them play it cool,Strike up a conversation and ask them if the Meet and Greet is full yet?

    Hope this works for you.
    off to write my post ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. Can’t wait to read it,Hatter!
    Do you think the crew staff are local people,or do they travel with the tour?
    I guess I just need to turn on the southern charm.

  19. Knock yourself out! And pee a little for me K?

  20. Give me your address Don,and I’ll send you my used depends.

  21. So? Did you pee? Did you get backstage? Did you get pregnant?

  22. Writing a post on that now,Bill!

  23. Somehow, I think they’d be foolish NOT to let you backstage.

  24. Awww! Thank you,LPF!!

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