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GIVE ME TAMPONS ,OR GIVE ME DEATH!

September 13, 2008

WARNING THIS BLOG ENTRY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS THAT COULD EASILY OFFEND! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

Is it just me or is everyone been talking about“going green” lately? In my life, I seem to be surrounded by people and things, that go overkill on the whole “eco friendly” thing, that it makes me uncomfortable. Not that I’m a planet hater,I do try to do my part,but I look at some of the “green” products they are peddling, and wonder, what kind of green stuff have these people been smoking?

Case in point,I ran across an advertisement in a magazine the other day, touting a “greener” way to deal with your monthly visitor. The ad was beautifully designed and the product had a very persuasive name, they call it “The Diva Cup”. And what woman doesn’t want to feel like a diva while spewing blood out of her orifice? It’s a very interesting concept I must say,unfortunately they fail to mention the act you have to perform to get to “divadom” is a little….how do you say..ummm,hands in ,to reach that status.

First of all let me say that dealing with your period each month is no picnic.It requires a lot of work and sterilization on the periodee’s part,if they want to remain spring fresh down below. And that is just dealing with the normal changing of your feminine protection and washing up the old ying yang,all while feeling ,like you just contracted a life sucking,body aching, bitch virus.Believe me, it’s not easy.

The diva cup people didn’t take any of that into consideration when they came up with this little “miracle” device.They decided to add to the normal hell you have to go through,all for the sake of saving Mother Nature from being overcome with mountains of cotton and applicators. In exchange for your earth love, a woman gets a REUSABLE “cup” that is suppose to be inserted and left up there to collect,kind of like a weird rain gauge.After a couple of hours of use, the user gets to reach up inside and retrieve the device,which doesn’t seem as simple as pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Next comes the fun part, you now have to wash the cup up with a special solution,just in time for reinsertion.

I’m sorry people I just can’t get, that “green”,and I have plenty of reasons. For one, I can’t imagine washing out my reusable vag cup in the same sink I brush my teeth in.That’s a little too much for me to handle. Then there’s the possibility that suction could take hold and then what?I don’t even want to think about that. Plus, I really don’t want to be that intimate with my birth canal.I’m just a huge believer in, you shouldn’t treat your vagina like a handbag. It’s not good to go rummaging around up there…it’s just not healthy.

If what I’ve said so far ,hasn’t put you in agreement with me ,I give you….The Diva Cup….

Look at the thing!! It doesn’t look vag friendly,does it?

I’m sticking to my convictions on this. Which means, I will probably never be considered totally “green” ,because of my refusal to commit vaginal abuse to myself. But I figure if I plant a tree or send money to save the rain forest, I might be seen as a nice shade of chartreuse,and that’s fine with me.

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20 comments

  1. I’d definitely go for the ‘planting a tree’ option although it might make it a tad difficult to hide your pantie line ……. that is what you meant wasn’t it?


  2. LOL! No DP,I won’t be putting any seedlings down my pants.


  3. http://snltranscripts.jt.org/96/96abigbrawn.phtml

    Your post made me think of a Saturday Night Live Skit. The above link takes you to the script from said skit.

    I’ll stick with my super absorbent disposable tampons. šŸ™‚


  4. “Like a lumberjack between your knees” LOL! I love that line,Quinn!


  5. There is such a thing as ‘going to far’. And no I don’t mean sexually, I mean with the green thing. This is the best demonstration of it that I’ve seen.

    Mind you, there was a day when women had to washout and resuse whatever they could scrounge for their period times. No wonder women are the tougher sex!


  6. I agree with you Bill,on both counts. :o)


  7. Uhh…better leave this one alone. All kinds of evil and painful devices come to mind.


  8. Sick minds think alike,Don.Sick minds think alike.


  9. Can I just say, ewww. Yeah. That’s pretty much my thoughts. lol


  10. Yeah Juliet,I agree with you. The thought of using the diva cup makes me turn green with sickness myself.


  11. I think my doctor attached something looking like that to my…never mind :O


  12. I think it might be time you found a new doctor then,Erebus.


  13. O MY GOODNESS!!! you really did post it and people have not responded with a witch hunt! you are histarical and i am very happy to say that you are my friend! i agree with you though, when you told me about the “diva cup” i had a mental image of what i thought it would look like…. i have to say that i did not expect that! it looks like some kind of medieval tourture device! could you imagine teaching your girls how to use it, eek!!


  14. Bec,
    First let me say, leaving a comment under the name anonymous doesn’t make it look like you’re happy to be my friend,but I love ya anyways!

    As for teaching my children the wonders of “The Diva Cup”,ah yeah ,that’s not going to happen!!


  15. A friend tried to sell me on this whole vag cup idea. I can deal with the thought of a blood-ensoakened rag up inside me but not a blood-filled cup. What if the cup tips over? What if (like that awful diaphragm trauma) I can’t get it out? What if it I had to yank and yank and PLOP! cup contents all over the bathroom?

    I’m with you. Plant a tree.

    JD at I Do Things


  16. WOW that means a lot coming from you JD.I mean with your blog(which is awesome btw, I love the concept) you do things so others don’t have to and you won’t try The Diva Cup.That says something right there!!! Down with the vag cup!!


  17. The word going “green” (mold?) and that cup, kinda makes me go eweeeu or something like that. There appears to be a little faucet like thing on the tiny tip. Maybe you could hook a hose up to it and stop all that reaching in and fumbling around. And on a different note, I’m not braggin, but there’s only room for one thing at a time in there and sometimes, not even that!


  18. It is a little strange isn’t it,Dana Wyzard. Like I said in the post …Don’t treat your vagina like a handbag…it could rebel and that could be BAD!!


  19. It’s just soft silicone, it seems a lot softer on the vag to me than scratchy tampons which I have never ever been tempted to try. I mean I did try once, and the damn thing was so dry, scratchy and hard that there was no way I was going to stick it in as far as it is supposed to go. I would rather use this cup than a tampon, but overall I use pads and I am happy. I just don’t get how on earth tampons became popular. They are incredibly icky and uncomfortable to me.


  20. Anonymous,
    It seems to me that a tampon is A LOT smaller than the cup. You best bet is to probably stick to pads.



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