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It’s Fun To Stay At The Y.M.C.A??

August 20, 2008
My body is going to hell in a hand basket and I can no longer deny it. Ugh!! You have no idea how much I hate this fact,but it’s the truth,and it leaves me with two choices. One, I can continue to run by mirrors like someone lit my ass on fire or two, get my lazy butt up and do something about it. Yesterday I decided to pick option number two and went to our local Y.M.C.A and signed up the whole family. I figured there is no need for me to suffer alone.So last night after dinner we braved the tropical storm conditions,loaded everyone up in the family truckster, and headed for the Y. The Y.M.C.A is really a great place for all sorts of different activities. Whether you want to play basketball, racquetball,swim,or workout ,it’s all there right under one roof. There is something for everyone and my family took to the experience like fish to water and there I was, left to flounder around with a really sick feeling in my stomach. It seems like I was the only one to see this as a form of torture.

So I sat there alone trying to get the courage up to go for it.When I looked down at my thighs and I believe they spoke to me.I kid you not. It was a little hard to understand what they were saying as they were talking through layers of cellulite and now spandex, so it was muffled ,but I think they were threatening to take over my body if I didn’t start exercising now!,( You know you’re getting to be a big one, when your body starts complaining about it’s own size).But their threats weren’t going to work, not even my talking anatomy could motivate me.
You see, I just don’t enjoy working out, in fact I would rather have my anal cavity searched, than have to don a spandex outfit and gyrate my body around in front of a group of laughing strangers. I think the latter would be much more of a humiliating experience. I came to realize that it’s not the act of working out that I hate ,it’s the fact of people watching me that I couldn’t get past. Then all of a sudden a thought occurred to me, people when they work out look a lot like they would if they were having sex(minus the spandex,unless you’re kinky that way) and believe it or not ,everyone when they are really into either activity ,looks a little funny doing it.

So I decided that what I would do, if someone looked at me funny or I just felt uncomfortable, I would just picture what the other people would look like having sex and giggle. My plan worked and I didn’t feel self conscious at all. I actually worked out my whole body for an hour and a half and after I was done I felt just incredible,kind of like….well, a weird afterglow.

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13 comments

  1. …… and did you have a cigarette as well? ……… I sounds as though it was good for you ……


  2. It was ,I probably could have smoked a whole pack afterward.


  3. Must make my wife read this one ๐Ÿ˜‰

    B.I.I. (Body Image Issues). My wife looks great! But she has a bad case of B.I.I., and she hates to work out. Even though she would probably feel better after.

    The people having sex thing is good. Like an enhanced version of picturing your audience naked.


  4. What would you do if the person looking at you funny was really hot? Hmmm…maybe that strategy just works better for women…


  5. Tell her to try it Erebus,it works like a charm.I’ve got three workouts under my belt and it might be exhaustion but I feel sooo calm (which doesn’t happen often for me).

    I guess I should have put a disclaimer for men on this post, yogaforcynic. This strategy for them would probably just lead to excitement then quickly turn into a huge case of embarrassment.


  6. I was going to go for a joke about preferring an anal cavity search. I digress.


  7. Well Heff, right now my ass is so big that I think people would be scared to go anywhere near my anal cavity for fear of getting lost.So I’m sure your joke was no worse than the truth.


  8. Self-consciousness be gone – you’re going to lerve the gym. And I’m going to try that looking-at-people-envisioning-them-having-sex trick. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  9. I’m telling you,tolly m, it works!


  10. You go girl!

    I finally went to the gym (the one that sucks up my $$$$$ money even if I don’t go!) on Wedesnday!

    Ahhhh…. to sweat in public, whatta RUSH!

    ๐Ÿ™‚


  11. It can be Zyriana!!
    Good luck to you!!


  12. I worry not as I work out naked.


  13. Then you must be use to people laughing at you ,Static!



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