Somewhere Over My Ankles

August 12, 2008

I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but I think my hormones have given up their mutiny against my brain, slowly but surely I am starting to be able to retain my thoughts again and am returning to my naturally charming self. This process isn’t new to me, it happens once a month like clockwork,but it’s getting a lot worse, the older I get. I transform mentally,physically ,and sometimes I even doubt, if I have a spirit during my “cycle”.It might sound strange ,but I see” my monthly visit”, like being stuck in a weird form of “The Wizard Of Oz”. I know it sounds odd ,but let me explain to you, what happens to me when I follow the red brick road.

1. This one is a given but,I have been told I act and bear a striking resemblance to The Wicked Witch of the West, one week out of the month. Of course,comments like those, only make me wish I had a band of winged monkeys to go hurt people.

2.I have an emotional cyclone that comes, picks me up, and smashes me down upon my normal self to where the only thing that remains the same, is my impeccable taste in shoes.

3.My body aches and need oiling ,just like The Tin Man.

4. I feel like I have no brain ,like The Scarecrow. The only difference is I look like I’m overstuffed (with what I wish was just straw).

5.Laying down in a field of poppies seems like the only thing that would make me feel better.

6.I talk a lot of shit that I don’t stand a chance of backing up, like The Cowardly Lion.

7. I find myself surrounded by my own little midgets who like to sing ,dance, and tell me where to go.

So there you have it ,the similarities between the two.Can you see the correlation?If I had my wish though, there would be one more similarity to make this story have a happy ending. I wish I could click my heels three times and make it all go away like a bad dream,even if that meant I had to live in Kansas.



  1. Oh goodness honey I’m completely understanding you!

    However, due to an IUD I don’t have those anymore. WHOOT!

    Okay, hey… I think I’m stuck on the Wicked Witch side though. 🙂

  2. I wish I’d known this years ago …. it all makes sense now – tee hee

  3. Oh you and your midget fetish…

  4. Zyriana,
    I have come to term with the wicked witch in me.I get more alone time that way.

    I know,Daddy Papersurfer….You would think that the book was written by a woman with experience.

    Midgets need love too!

  5. I can dig it…Fortunately, I don’t have to live it . The Great Oz awaits!

  6. Well Don…you are fortunate.For women though there is no Emerald City.

  7. Yet another reason to keep my penis 🙂

  8. One of the many reasons ,Erebus.
    That and the fact that men wouldn’t know what to do without it.You’d have way to much free time.

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