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Call Em Like You See Em

July 22, 2008
Hoo Ha, Tee Tee, Bits,Pee Pee, Winky, Hiney,Wee Wee,Cha Cha and the list goes on. What do all these names have in common,you might ask? Well they are all names that people have taught their children to refer to their genitals as. Tell me why in the English language do we have an obsession with renaming our “private parts”? We can call our fingers ,fingers , and our elbows ,elbows,but when it comes to our nether regions we tend to want to get all “creative” with it and I just don’t understand .

I, myself was a victim of false vaginal naming. You see,my mother thought she had a so called flair for naming things and with this “gift” bestowed on me, my first of many anxieties when she named mine years ago. She told me that it was called a “cookie” and being my mother I took her word for it. Needless to say watching Sesame Street as a kid was never a pleasant experience for me. Cookie Monster would come on the screen yelling “Me want cookie” and I would instantly grab my crotch ,trying to hide it. I was told never share my cookie with anyone! So there was no way was I going to let this furry blue creature take my cookie,no matter how much he demanded!! The weird thing is, my mother never caught on to the horror this caused me. No instead when she would catch me holding on to my cookie for dear life, she would ask me if I needed to go potty. When I would tell her NO and try to explain,she would grab me up before I could get the words out , take me to the bathroom ,and make me try to go anyway. You have no idea how much frustration, confusion ,and endless teasing by my peers,I went through with this mother given homophone. Thanks so much for the damage Mom,love ya for that!!

In the years since I have come to learn that I wasn’t the only child that had been afflicted with this weird sort of name calling, which makes me feel better ,but has left me with more questions of why. One of the many facts that I’ve learned, is that most people were told to call it a name that is repetitious like wee wee, pee pee,tee tee,etc. Which leads me to wonder, if this is a body part you want to teach your children is a private thing ,why name it something that gives it more emphasis and is more likely to draw attention to it?? It makes no sense to me.

What does make perfect sense to me now is ,why adults chose to name their genitalia or in most cases rename them. The act stems from their parent’s horrible name choices in childhood that they feel they must rectify. I’m sure they must feel as adults calling their manhood their wee wee, isn’t going to make them a chick magnet and I agree.I have found men are more likely to rename theirs ,a name that represents something big and strong,and that is a huge mistake considering it could be seen as a form of false advertising.That’s illegal in some states,so men please be careful! Then there are the people that as couples decide to name each others “organs.” Which is a strange practice ,but I think is used as a way to show ownership of their partners anatomy .It’s odd ,but can be seen as a growing trend. I hope you keep in mind that if this does happen in a relationship you’re in, take note of what this person refers to your anatomy as. Because it very well could be a name that they’ll chose to carry on with if you have children together and that is a very scary, but real thought.It can happen,so please think of the children.

Seeing this as a nation wide problem,I took some time recently to look up lists of slang words that people often use to call their “area below the belt.”. Some were quite creative, funny ,and you could see took a lot of thought on the part of the namer. Others were overly grotesque and offensive and in my opinion they probably would have been better off sticking with the name their momma gave them. Either way the results were astonishing, the lists I found had more names listed on them than names listed in most baby name books I have seen, which is proof that this is becoming an epidemic in our society.

Although,I cannot cast stones at the authors behind such names. Because I too after viewing the lists and what they had to offer,thought about coming up with my own “down yonder” nickname . I did come up with one and tried it out for the day on some non suspecting family members and friends. At first they all looked at me like I was speaking another language, and didn’t catch on to what I was referring to until I called it by it’s scientific name .Then they were just puzzled and had tons of questions of where ,why, and how I came up with the name. It turned into a huge disaster that left me embarrassed and them confused. My experiment in vaginal naming failed miserably! So I decided it was best to leave well enough alone, and the next day I went back to calling it by it’s real name…..my cookie.

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14 comments

  1. So you’re telling me that Sir Reginald McBallsworth is not the correct name for my penis? My mom’s got some explaining to do…


  2. LOL!! I’m afraid not DB. WOW and I thought my mom was good with naming things.


  3. DB has nothing to complain about…..

    Signed
    “Little Miss Muffet”


  4. LOL!! You poor thing DP!!


  5. mmmmm…. cookies…

    Oh. Um. I mean…

    Say, your color scheme is hard on the eyes. You should have dark text on light background, not the other way around.


  6. I don’t know how to change my color scheme. I never had any complaints before. How do I fix it??


  7. Wow
    All the while i thought it was only my culture that give names for the genitals. Never cross my mind that it also occurs in developed nation.


  8. Unfortunately buwau98 it’s grown into an epidemic here in the states.


  9. I like the color scheme, it reads well and has complimentary colors. Don’t change it.


  10. Thank you Anonymous!


  11. My husband is an Emergency Room physician, and swears to God that this story is true.

    A man came to the ER for a rash ‘down there.’ The nurse went in and did all the preliminary procedures before my husband got in to see the patient.

    “So, what are you here for today?” he asked the 40yr old patient, who, oddly was there with his mother… in the exam room whilst his genitals are being examined (but i guess that is another story in itself.)

    The patient replies “I got something on my ding dong. The nurse called it a ‘penis,’ but I aint never heard that before.”

    True story.
    And, we have vowed to teach our children the proper names for all of their body parts. Which makes my mother’s skin crawl.


  12. That is a wild story,Leann!
    People are so strange,when it comes to naming their privates. I’ve taught my children to call them by the right term too.My family wasn’t too thrilled by the fact either.


  13. I wonder why they call me, “Shorty?”


  14. LOL! That could be a problem,LPF. LOL!



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