A Weird Case Of Deja Vu

July 13, 2008

The adventure that I’ve had trying to find my place in the “blogosphere” thus far, keeps reminding me of the memory I have of the time when I was the “new kid” in school. Which is a really not such a good thing or memory .Because my experience with being the new kid, making friends and, trying to be accepted ,brought out tasteless behavior on my part and the results were disastrous. I’m hoping now that I’m older ,wiser and, haven’t done anything illegal since ,that the two situations will turn out totally differently.

You see, when I was eleven and settled into the school that I had been at for most of my primary years, my mother decided to ship me off to live with my father. I guess I threatened her one to many times to go live with him when I was in trouble, that this time she decided to make all my dreams come true . She put my little butt on a plane bound for unimaginable childhood damage, but in her defense she thought it was headed toward Virginia.

I’ll never forget when I first got there; I was immediately taken aside by my “step monster” and told that I would never be a part of their family so I shouldn’t even bother. She proceeded to inform me that I was only sent there because nobody else wanted me. Nice thing to say to a kid,huh? I could go on and on about my experiences living with Satan’s much older sister and my testicleless father but I’m not writing a novel just a post, so let me get back to telling you about my memories of being the new kid.

Needless to say, I felt extremely alone in the world and starting at a new school didn’t make me feel any better about my situation. I remember that first day of school like it was yesterday. I planned out what I wanted to wear that I was sure would make me recognized instantly as one of the cool kids .I wore ,nice acid wash Guess Jeans, a shirt that was splashed with just the right amount of neon paint, brightly colored jelly bracelets all the way up both my arms, and hair so big it would make the makers of AquaNet proud. My ensemble was pure 80’s apparel perfection and should have made me a magnet for friends, or so I thought.

Great clothes or not, my first day of school didn’t even bring me one acquaintance, and neither did the weeks that followed. The kids all looked at me like I was from another planet and weren’t friendly at all, much like it was at the genesis of my blog . The cliques were already formed and quite tight knit so it didn’t look like there was any way, I was going to make friends or even just fit in. I felt a lot of the time, I was just being stared at like I had something hanging out of my nose, and nobody would say anything. Which is another similarity I find with blogging, I can see that people come by ,look and I always take it when they don’t comment ,that they left my blog thinking I’m a weirdo ,and that they don’t want to be my friend.

After about a month of being a loner in the new school, some people did start noticing my existence, most of them of the male persuasion. I have found that to be the rule throughout my life and often wonder why that is? Are we as females, just the more cautious of the species and have to take the time to feel someone out, before we decide to be friendly or not? Who knows? I can say that men in my opinion always tend to be more cordial earlier on than women. That’s how it was at the new school for a couple months I was just one of the guys, and it seems like my pursuit in blogging has followed suit. I have faith though, that I will have female readers one day. Because, if history is repeating itself, I remember that I did make a couple of good girlfriends in my time in Virginia.

These girls were amazingly enough just like me, lost kids with no family to speak of, so we became each others family. I do believe looking back that I don’t know what would have happened to me if I wouldn’t have found those friendships. My “keepers” weren’t as thrilled with my new friends as I was. I believe they perceived my friends as bad influences, but what can you expect from three girls that were 11 and left to our own devices? I can tell you, to expect TROUBLE and, that they didn’t have to influence me. Back then I already had an arsenal of creative but fu*ked up thoughts, and ideas to amuse myself with, I didn’t need help. In fact it was one of my brilliantly twisted ideas that got my little butt shipped back to Florida less than a year later and has for years kept me away from even traveling through Virginia, for fear that I was banned from that state.

From what I remember from that time is that, I was out to be cool, and was desperate to keep the new friends I found. My life there was a total mess, and filled with tons of risky behavior on my part, from shoplifting to running away from what the authorities considered my home. My grades in school were atrocious and I remember hating my teacher with such malice, that the stunt I did to get returned to sender, involved getting back at this woman for grading my papers so unfairly. When I think of what I did it just seems surreal, but I know it to be true because in the years since, I am reminded of the event at every family function. Shamefully enough, my family has even made my children privy to the story. Which totally screwed up the whole “you have to be an angel in school because I was” story that I intended on making my children believers in. It’s not a experience that I’m proud of but I believe you should own your mistakes , learn from them, even share them with people so they can see where you came from and how you’ve grown. With that said let me share with you my embarrassment, my lapse in judgement, my childhood crime.

It all started like I said earlier with my teacher who at the time I thought had it out for me and my small circle of friends. We were all failing her class and that couldn’t happen, so we decided to come up with an idea of how to get our hands on her grade book and make some much needed changes. We knew we couldn’t just swipe it off her desk and put it into one of our backpacks during school ,no we decided that would be to dangerous, so the plan was to break into the school after hours and make off with it then. Not much logic in the plan but that’s what we did.

After the last bell rang we hid in the bathroom, waited until everyone had left, then slowly crept down the hall to the classroom, and opened the door. The room was in the same shape as we had left it just a couple hours earlier, and the grade book was right on her desk. Now, we could have just taken the grade book and left easy enough, but then I had one of my creatively fu*cked up ideas pop into my head. Why take the evidence? Why not leave the evidence in a state that no one would want to touch and it would have to be disposed of? Make a statement and I guess I did, because I’m the one who dropped my pants and defecated right in the grade book. Please don’t ask me why I did that,maybe I thought apples were overrated ,but to this day I just don’t know. What I do know is that ,I got caught and shipped back to Florida very quickly, my grades came back up almost just as quick(due to me using my brain instead of my ass) , was promoted to the next grade and never dabbled in fecalphilia ever again.

OK, so this post probably won’t help me get accepted in this community any faster, but the cool thing is that even that thought, doesn’t make me want to drop trou. Which means I learned from my mistake and am less likely to repeat it. I did think twice about blogging about this memory, cause I might not win as many friends along the way,but blogging to me didn’t start as a way to make friends. It started out of my desire to have an outlet to express myself honestly and in a way paint a picture of who I am, flaws and all.Like me or not.



  1. Loads of people don’t comment on blogs. Some are shy but eventually start joining in when they feel comfortable. The vast majority of people who pop by my rubbish, don’t say anything …… but a lot return day after day. I guess, it’s like reading a newspaper or magazine – they just want a simple diversion without being drawn in on a personnel level – fair enough.
    Ho hum – I’ll go and annoy someone else now – tee hee …… whooooosh

  2. You make an awesome point DP!

  3. I hated High School. The cliques between the jocks, nerds, stoners, surfers, metalers was too much sometimes. Those were the longest four years of my entire life.

    Blog for yourself, don’t worry about fitting in here.

  4. I can totally relate Jeff!!!

  5. I usually don’t comment on other blogs because I’m lazy and usually not signed in.

    I agree with Jeff. You should blog for yourself. I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly you develop a following.

  6. DB,

    I’m guilty of not leaving comments myself,and you’re one of the reasons why I don’t. The first comment I left you ,still makes me feel like an as*hole.

  7. Wow. I so very, very did not see the poop story coming. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

  8. LOL! Caught you off guard on that one didn’t I Jeffrey Ellis!!

  9. oh my god* i’ve pulled some Stunts but nothing on that Level!! jesus Girl!!

    i did get my Grade 8 Principal back over 30 Years after he gave me a Detention for taking a Drink our of the Water Fountain at 4:30pm after skool was over* I thought that was wrong*

    So his Daughter had married a Friend o mine + we were over Partying Xmas Eve + I thought my Father Nelson Joke was in order* So I pulled good old Principal Gord in front of Everybody + demonstrated common Wrestling Holds on him from behind* First a Half-Nelson + then a Full Nelson – yer Arms looped thru his + hands Clasping locked behind his Neck + Head*

    Then in a Swift Ric “The Natural” Flair move U take yer Hand down + come Up thru his Crotch + Grab his Balls + Squeeze Father Nelson!!


    Like U Principal Gord Shit himself to my Utter Delight + to the Roaring Laughter of all my Skool Friendz!!

  10. Billy Warhol….WOW! Well your comment makes me feel tons better about my stunt. I can’t believe you waited 30 years to get back at your principal!! Amazing,that took some balls ..no pun intended!

  11. I love the Poop story! One of the reasons you’ve been my best friend for the past 12 years! I just want you to know I am very proud of you and love reading your work. You make us laugh and think. Your real and thats hard for some women to wrap their minds around. Go figure. Please keep writing your stories for all of us to enjoy!! And always stay true to YOU.
    I Love Ya

  12. Andrea,

    That is why you will always be my BFF!!! I love ya and thanks sooooo much!!!

  13. Popped by for the first time in a while today to catch up on your blog – if you have been by mine you’ll see the posting is VERY sporadic – what can I say? New puppy, summertime, laziness??? Anyway, I can’t speak for most women, or even most people – but I loved your blog from the first time I read it – I think you are an extraordinary person and make a lot of sense as well as make me laugh! I rarely comment, but read whenever I get a chance – will try to rectify this in the future so you know I’ve been by. Keep writing – you are great at it!

  14. Thank you so much dmld. I always mention you as the first woman blogger to be nice to me.I hope you know that I appreciate it. I hope you do comment more often and I promise to do the same!
    Thanks Again for your kindness!!!

  15. Acceptance? I’ve been reading your posts and can’t imagine that anyone wouldn’t embrace you with open arms.

    You’re fun.

  16. Well thank you,LPF.

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