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Men Are From Mars ,Women Are From Venus, Explain To Me How You Think With This Thing Called A Penis?

May 29, 2008

Catchy little title on this one but really ,I’m dead serious. I don’t get it. I don’t think I would be bothered with my lack of understanding if, I didn’t give birth to a child that possessed one of these anatomical mind control devices. I can remember when he was born ,people saying to me ,”just wait til he gets older, you will see”. I thought “yeah right ,males that are like that are just the product of bad parenting,not my little sweet angel he’ll never be that way”(Although,I will admit that a little bit of doubt did set in when he developed his motor skills).

Having a boy was like uncharted territory to me.My first two children are girls and they have been challenging enough, with all the emotional stuff you deal with when you have daughters ,especially when their hormones start kicking in. I figured the only things I would have to deal with ,with him would be bumps and bruises, which have been plenty in the last eleven years. But, I would rather deal with a bloody nose any day ,than deal with emotional outbursts due to changes in hormone levels. He is my last baby and only son, I assumed he would be a piece of cake and so far he has been,but things are changing.

Case in point, the other day I let him take my cell phone when he went to his friend’s house,so he could call me in case of an accident or when he was ready to come home. He called, I went and picked him up without incident .The phone was returned to me in the same shape I gave it to him in. I recall feeling so proud that he had been so responsible with my phone. Until the next morning,when I started receiving text messages on my phone from a dating/flirting tip site. I wonder if you knew, that in order to “get” the girl you have to remain calm , confident and never let her see you sweat? If you didn’t, now you know and at least you didn’t pay $9.99 for that little piece of advice. At first ,I was quite confused of why I would be getting this information, then I looked at my text messages and saw that I had been getting these helpful little tidbits since about forty-five minutes after he left with my cell phone yesterday. I was so pissed!

After I regained my composure , I decided that this called for a little creative parenting on my part. He came home from school, I didn’t say a word about it. I just let the afternoon slide by, until early evening. I called him out to the kitchen, where he found me standing with my cell phone in hand. I proceeded to tell him that I just got a call from a forty-five year old woman who was looking for him. She had gotten his number off the dating company’s website, liked his profile and was coming to pick him up for his first date,so he had better get in the shower, wear something nice and crack open the piggy bank. If you could have seen the look on his face it was priceless!! He was in shock. I asked him, if he would like to explain to me where this woman got my number from. He got a little quiet and contemplative, when all of a sudden my cell phone rang. I picked it up ignoring the person on the other end and acted as if I was giving directions to the house. That’s the exact point he freaked out, ran into his room ,where I found him underneath his bed.

When I finally got him to come out of hiding, he was in tears. I had a long talk with him about the dangers of giving out personal information and signing up for useless services. I asked him ,why he thought he needed such a service at his age? He said ,that he didn’t know it was an actual dating site (which it wasn’t) and he just wanted some tips because he has a crush on a little girl in his class. (I thought that girls still had cooties at this age,but I guess times are changing). He promised not to sign up or give out personal information anymore without my consent first and I promised that I would try to give him some tips about “the ladies” ,as he would say.

As I sat there hugging him and thinking of all the warnings I got when he was born, about the changes he would go through .I must say, I really liked living in denial all these years ,that my baby would stay a baby forever and was a little sad to see a glimpse of him wanting to be a man.But those thoughts only lasted until there was a knock at the front door, and he went to bolt back under the bed………. I guess I forgot to tell him that his forty-five year old date for the evening wasn’t real.

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9 comments

  1. Nice story Miss Panty Line ….. poor you, poor him. [Ummmmm? Have you still got the number for this advice line? …… just asking for a friend]


  2. Wow – you are so cruel!! And so clever πŸ˜›


  3. Wanted to say hello. Enjoyed reading your posts.


  4. Wow…., great story and you are great too πŸ™‚


  5. Wish I had found this post about 3 weeks ago! Had the same thing happen with my son and his newly formed hormones. Only I didn’t handle it quite so ingeniously or graciously. Will definitely keep reading – may learn a little something from you. πŸ™‚


  6. LOL, I can’t decide if you are cruel and heartless or brilliant. Maybe both.


  7. U handled that pretty well, however, boys which I was once, already know the “be yourself”, be respectful”, tidbits no matter how you present it!

    I got off cheap with my 1st hormone encouter with my daughter. She wrote a boy’s name over and over until it filled up a black hard cover notebook, $1.99. I handled that with my usual sarcasm and wisdon, by telling her,….Boy, you really don’t like this guy, since U keep writing his name over and over..can’t make up you mind here…HUH….don’t worry sweetie you will meet a guy that you only need to write his name once and you know you like him….


  8. Scientists are still torn over the exact role Hormone Induced Stupidity plays in the survival of the species.

    Personally, every time I get close to the answer, mine kick in and all brain functions cease.

    It remains an enduring mystery.


  9. It’s amazing the info you can get from your kids (or your) cellphones.

    Great idea with the 45 yo date.
    How did you keep from laughing?



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