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I Just Can’t Self -Help Myself!!!!

April 1, 2008

I have tried to start this post, about seven times now. It started out as, my point of view on the whole “self- help” movement. How I have devoted bunches of my time to it lately. Whether it was reading a book, listening to audio tapes, even watching a movie about it. Rereading, what I typed out in my post time and time again. I couldn’t get over how, no matter how much time I devoted to self helping myself, my writing is still laced, with a very prominent pessimistic vibe.

I don’t know who this looks worse for, me or the self-help gurus of plenty, I have given my time to. I can honestly say, I am of above average intelligence (I do have people who saw my IQ score and can vouch for me). I can be taught. I did comprehend what the underlining issue they all speak of is, it’s positive thinking! See, I can comprehend, I just can’t retain. None of them speak of this being a problem for any of them or the millions of fucking happy people they helped. Nope, so I’m left to wonder if one can turn retarded without injury (maybe that’s my problem),or what these people are hopped up on to feel like that. Which really wouldn’t help me any, considering drugs scare the shit out of me. I can’t take Benadryl for my allergies without worrying whether I’ll wake up in the morning or not.

I did spend a couple of days focusing on being positive. My glass was half full for almost a week. What I noticed from this experience is that, most people I know didn’t want to be around me ,after about an hour. I don’t think they enjoyed the new positive me. No, I think it scared most of them, thinking I was either suffering from a brain tumor or taken over by aliens. The conclusion I came to was this, be happy and be lonely OR be miserable and have company.

I haven’t always been negative. In my younger years I was quite friendly and optimistic. I don’t know when I outgrew these characteristics. I still think that they do reside somewhere inside of my being. I just only bring them out on special occasions, so I don’t think I would be labeled as a pessimist as much as a realist. A realist I believe is, the step before pessimism. Pessimism is to come, it’s almost inevitable. Seriously, look at anyone who is old enough to finally start collecting their social security checks. Do they look happy? I think not. Not convinced? Fine, talk to them. I guarantee that nine out of ten of them, will be some of the most miserable people you have ever conversed with. How you may ask, do I know this for a fact? Well, I reside in FL. Our state is known for its sunshine and retirement communities. Old people from all areas of the globe flock here for their “golden years”. This makes me an expert on them and makes them pessimistic, but smart. Because who do you know that ever wants to retire and move north? Good point, right.

I feel it’s just the natural progression of life, to become a pessimist. You start out sweet and end up bitter, plain and simple. So, I won’t feel stupid anymore for not working the whole “positive thinking notion” and feel comfortable with my pessimistic vibe that comes through, every now and then. I’ll just look at it, like coming to terms with wrinkles and cellulite. I don’t necessarily like it, but its me. I’m ok with being me, the sarcastic realist who says it as she sees it, Positive or negative.

I come away from this experience with the realization that most “self-help” writers (or at least the ones I invested my money and time in) are just modern day snake oil salesmen, selling you something that’s a limited time offer. My opinion might piss off some people out there, but it makes me happy and that’s what I was looking for in the first place.

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