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NO VACANCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March 18, 2008

I’ve decided to make a NO VACANCY sign to wear around my neck for the rest of my life. The only thing that holds me back from walking around looking like a human roadside inn for all eternity ,is the fact that I’m sure it’s a huge fashion faux pas. This might not seem like a big deal to some, but one of my biggest pet peeves is someone who is fashion challenged. I have aspired my whole life to dress to impress. I’m starting to feel that my need for the sign, might just take precedence over the desire to look impeccably dressed. 

You see ,the need for the sign stems from the fact that I have reached my capacity for bullshit in my life. I went as far as to bunk a lot of the bullshit up together to make space. To the point that I’m overflowing and feel there is no room left for me with or without my amazing sense of style.

I was hoping that I was just having a “time” and that this too shall pass. That some things would check out and go on their way. Leaving me with time in between to change the sheets and vacuum. Instead it’s like the Spring Break of bullshit checked in all at once in my mind. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before in my other posts but, I have been previously diagnosed with Panic Disorder. Panic owned me for awhile in my life. It caused me to be agoraphobic for longer than I like to admit. I went to a Psychiatrist (Who oddly enough, I stopped seeing because he made an inappropriate comment about the way I was dressed.)that loved to medicate me and tell me that I would need to be on something for the rest of my life .I proved him wrong. I have been off anti depressants for almost six months. I have learned how to control my anxiety or at least not let it take over my life. Some days are harder than others,but I’m still fighting and will win.
The most important thing I have learned through my war with Panic Disorder is that there are certain things that I must have in my life. These things being, security and trust, which decided to go on vacation somewhere other than my four star mind.

Now, missing are the things I need and flooded with toxic bullshit I don’t. It’s crept into areas of my life that I never thought that doubt could seep. It has though, in most of the relationships I have and left me jaded. Not sure where to turn or what to do. Other than to hope that neon will be back in this spring.So when I step out of my house with my huge flashing NO VACANCY sign that tells people I’m full go away! I’ll be looked at like a trendsetter and not a fashion victim.

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2 comments

  1. Was the psychiatrist’s inappropriate comment concerning the “no vacancy” sign around your neck?


    • No, it was concerning my crotch!



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