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My Fu*ked Luck

March 13, 2008

GOOD LUCK, I sure wasn’t born with it and to this day I can’t seem to obtain it. I might not find myself bothered with the fact , if bad luck didn’t seem to follow me like a second shadow.

For instance, starting my blog. I was so excited and filled with tons of ideas to make it a success. Until the next morning ,I go to turn on my computer and the fu*king thing wouldn’t start. Amazing! Fried hard drive, when the stupid thing wasn’t even three years old. Just takes a shit on me . Coincidence? I think not!

This is a trend that has followed me throughout my life. From right out of the birth canal. I was given to a color blind nurse ,who decided to wrap me in a blue blanket instead of the pink one, that matched my genitalia and took me out to show my father. He was ecstatic thinking he finally had a son , he yells out “oh my little Peter”. THIS being the first sign of the shitty luck that was to come . I must say ,there is one positive spin on this part of the story. If I would have been a boy my parents wanted to name me Peter, a lovely slang term for Penis. Why not just name me scrotum!?!?!?!?!

My luck hasn’t changed . Even into adulthood, where you would think you have much more control over your world. One couldn’t be more wrong. I decided to have children. I wanted children. I didn’t know I would pay for them with my breasts. See the Lord giveth and the children tookth away. Before, I had nice breasts. Now I find myself envious of the bush women in National Geographic magazines. I did try and fix them, I have been to two different consultations with very good plastic surgeons. Theses experiences themselves were worse than childbirth. Humiliating! Imagine having some strange man cupping your breasts with a sympathetic look on his face. Now honestly, I have had strange men cup my breasts before ,but I at least got an orgasm after the fact. Not on the occasions I’m speaking about now. No,instead I was told that,YES, my chest did resemble that of a eighty-six year old mother of twelve. There was hope though ,all I needed to do was come up with five grand and set up appointments to get the job done. I got everything in order and ready to go. Only to have our Air Conditioner die the first time and the second time our well pump decided it didn’t want to work anymore either. I hear they say the third time’s a charm, but I think it would be easier just to go live with the Mek tribe.

By this point ,my lack of good luck should be apparent to even a small child. So,I’m just going to post now. Keeping my fingers crossed that my new hard drive has better luck than I do.
Signing off for now,

Your Pal,
Scrottie

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2 comments

  1. Napoleon said, “Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness.”

    Yeah, a lot of luck Napoleon wound up having ….


  2. Exactly,LPF!



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